The Misplaced Man in Japan

Waitin on a friend ...

2011-03-23T07:53:00.001+09:00

Early in the morning . Too early to be doing more than rolling over and getting cuddlesome with someone special. But instead of doing than I'm sitting at the ass end of a line that's as long as John Holmes' cock.
I guess I ought to consider myself lucky . I can sit here in sub-zero temperature and poke away at my phone to tell you all about it .
Things here in Morioka are actually looking up. In astrange way it feels a little similar to when I returned home after 9-11. People are kinder and strangers talk to each other with an
ease I seldom see.

I finished a stint making English language announcements at NHK radio two days ago. Reporting on the numbers of deaths and missing people left me feeling very gloomy. To shuck off this feeling I have started a charity drive to collect as much food, clothing, diapers etc. that my van can hold and drive the whole shebang down to a completely destroyed village where my buddy and his family lives.

Not too sure that's gonna wipe away the patina of sadness...

...and on the seventh day

2011-03-18T11:01:00.001+09:00

I have a distant, but rather amicable relationship with my upstairs neighbors.When we see each other we bow and greet each other with a polite ”こんにちは”.　My neighbor loves doing laundry and I often wake up bright and early (The day is bight, not the narrator.) to the sound of her washing machine whirling and swirling the family garments with a monotonous rumble. These days the sound has been replaced with the sound of helicopters roaring overhead and the rumble of the earth that makes me think that Godzilla is out strolling in my backyard.
I would say that at this point in time We are not in a dire situation, we're waiting for one. A limbo of sorts...sitting around and waiting for the next big shake up, letting the worries and fears build until there is little left but desperation, anger and frustration at our inability to go back to a time before the earth shook us. When things were at their worst I had adrenaline to keep me goin. Now, like my van, I am running on empty. A feeling of more than just mild annoyance overcomes me when I hear people complain about what should or should not be done. It has only been a week and the trains are starting to roll, the highways are opening and relief supplies are starting to arrive. The ability and swiftness of the Japanese government to deal with not only a natural disaster of immense scale, but also to avert a nuclear catastrophe, is nothing less than astounding.
Tomorrow morning, but not too early in the day. I hope to once again hear the rumble and roar of the washing machine doing what it was built to do. It'll mean that we are getting that much closer to doing what we were meant to do too.

大地震

2011-03-13T22:42:00.000+09:00

I was fortunate.
So much more lucky than the thousands of those who perished and the hundreds of thousands who still have not returned to their homes. The people living in the coastal cities have suffered a devastating force of nature that makes me feel awful, just plain sad.
Sitting in the dark, without any connection to the outside world, I had no idea what the people in those towns were going through. My biggest worries were getting my staff back safely to their families and making sure I had enough water, cigarettes and booze to last me through the catastrophe. Yes there was a moment during the five long minutes of the initial shock when I truly believed that the building I was in would not stand up to the quake that assaulted it, but never in my wildest imagination could I have pictured the things I saw on my TV once power was restored to my neighborhood.
Water, roiling and black, ugly and unforgiving, smashing through homes. Cars and boats, animals and people carried miles inland and strewn about; deposited like so much detritus across the land.
There are friends who still haven't made contact and we are quite worried about them....
I look back at my journal and I feel somewhat ashamed. My greatest worry was getting enough electricity to charge my phone so I could let my sister know I was still alive and stay in touch with the people who are important to me. I worried that I couldn't get bread or eggs or clean water to drink. I thought selfishly about these things when there were others who were going through a hell that still holds them in it's grip.

The shocks still occur and I still fear that large temblors will shake us, but I feel lucky.
Lucky that my wife is safe and our friends are warm and that I can sit here and write these words on my computer. We are not out of the woods quite yet..... I will post again soon.

Left, Right and Center

2011-02-26T12:26:00.001+09:00

It's almost impossible to type while playing my blues harp...
So there just might be gaps in this post as I take breaks to annoy my neighbors and get my thoughts in order.
< interlude >

See what I mean?

I think I spend a lot of time 'editing' my life. The stuff I don't write about far outweighs the drivel that makes its way onto these pages...probably a good thing too. Writing about your adventures with a dutch oven or the last time someone annoyed you while driving just does not make for interesting reading, does it?

So, what does?
< interlude: sounds of shower and off key singing in the background >

Daily ablutions are refreshing, don't you think? I am fortunate enough to live in a country where the bath is considered almost sacred and I have access to Onsen (Go on, Google it if you have too.) where I can share those moments in the company of others. Mixed bathing is especially nice. OK, get your mind out of the gutter and stop the porn soundtrack this instant. There's almost nothing erotic about it. Being in a bath, warm and naked with another person gives you the opportunity to express yourself differently than you would if you were wearing sartorial armour.

< interlude: bacon sizzling, eggs cracking and the smell of toast >

Food can connect you to a culture on so many different levels. I often try to maintain my American citizenship by donning my plaid Woolrich shirt, faded Levi's and one of a dozen baseball caps I keep hanging in the hallway then sitting down for a man sized plate of eggs and bacon. A pot of coffee and a tall glass of O.J. I think that most Americans would find the Japanese breakfast puzzling; I did when I first got here. Sitting on the floor with a piece of grilled fish, miso soup, a bowl of rice, some pickled radish or eggplant and natto (you can search this blog for more info on that particular dish.) is just not what John Wayne chowed down on before setting out to catch some cattle rustlers.

< interlude: jangling keys, searching and cursing and the sound of relief when the object is found. zippers being zipped and silence as the CD player is shut off. >

I have lived almost half my life in this country and there are times when I feel that I have lost many things that would define me as "American" I am definitely not "Japanese" either, so I traipse along in a kind of limbo without worrying about being defined by my nationality. That is sometimes a good thing to have in your back pocket when you don't want to engage in the fantastically intricate social system here. I get to play the game, but more often than not I'm not held accountable to the rules as strictly as I ought to be.

Heading out to make some dough and break a few rules...
Have a great day everyone!
じゃ～まったね！

West Side serenade

2011-02-14T22:29:00.000+09:00

Just about this time of year when everyone is tossing Hershey's Kisses at each other while expressing their love for each other in platitudes and Hallmark expressions of seriously dubious sincerity, I get homesick.
February is without a doubt the worst possible time to walk the streets of New York. It's colder than a crack whore's heart and twice as bitter. The shine and sparkle of Christmas and New Years has turned into a patina of verdigris that leaves most people sucking on the exhaust pipe of reality, but that's exactly when I want to be back home. It's easy to visit a place when it's rolling on a winning streak and folks are so happy that they are high-fiveing the bus drivers while tossing exact change into the hopper. I need to get back when the streets and the sky blend into one monochromatic tone of gray and the blare of taxicab horns cut through the winter air making you cringe and shudder and pull that coat closer around yer shoulders while waitin for a chance to sprint across the street.

I want to go down to Riverside park and stare the hawk in the face. A doob in the smitty and a half pint skit of Dewars in the back pocket of my Levis to keep the edge just right,,, And when I get numb...Just numb enough to come to my senses I'd like to head on back home to be with the girl who made me want to stare at the river in the fist place,

Politically Correct!

2011-02-06T19:57:00.001+09:00

I went to the doctor earlier this week to find out just what the fuck is wrong with me; physically, not mentally. I have had a headache for almost two weeks and pain in the place where my kidney used to be I was bewildered as to the cause.

He put me in a MRI (Head was hollow), took my blood (I learned, once again, that I was not Vulcan), put the cold ass jelly on my lovely plush belly (Really, are 'six-pack' abs as cuddly as mine?) and tweaked the old ultrasound, checked me out from top to bottom (literally) and after ninety minutes or so of tests he told me that there was just no reason for the pain I was in.

Hrumph!

So I'm sitting in the waiting room and the receptionist calls my name and gives me my bill...even with my coverage it's more than I can afford, so I says: "I ain't paying tis the doctor didn't do shit for me". Well after about five or ten minutes minutes of whispery argument she calls the physician out to settle the problem. He doesn't have time to deal with me and is pretty adamant about me paying my bill, but I still refuse. finally after a rather protracted and subdued "discussion" catered to the feelings and needs of the other patients in the room, the doc gets kinda flustered and in a frustrated and virulent voice blurts out, "You are an ASSHOLE, that's your problem!"

Well goddamn, Doc! You did have a diagnosis after all...

I paid my bill and walked out of the clinic, with more than a few profuse apologies to the staff and patients.

As I was walking to my car I realized that I could have saved the embarrassment and ignominy of the entire situation. Not to mention the hard earned cash I parted with.

My wife has been telling me the very same thing for quite a few years now...I shouldda listened to her a little bit more.

Point no finger

2011-01-18T23:11:00.001+09:00

I have a dopey habit of trying to find songs that will voice for me, the thoughts and feelings that often get jumbled up in my head. It's a little easier to find some kind of pep rally theme song that expresses my particular Hallmark moment than to actually sit back and evaluate the situation at hand.

I guess it's kind of similar to those days, long ago in High school, when a guy would make a mixed tape for a girl he liked. The main problem with doing just that was there was no way for her to understand exactly what you were thinking when you recorded those tunes. Well, not unless you were sending this message:

Messages ALWAYS get mixed up.

Kinda like this guy.

Maybe you can imagine a time when the words you were saying meant one thing to you, but the person on the receiving end got an entirely different meaning from your statements.

Maybe actions are like that too, huh.

I've been getting it wrong for a long time now and I just couldn't get the most important person in my life to understand just what it was I wanted her to hear.

But that's now over. Done with. In the past.
I'm trying to look ahead.

But before you step into the future it's always a good idea to clean up your past. I don't like the idea of leaving a mess behind for other people to deal with. Responsibility isn't something I've actively looked for, but bit by bit and slowly, year by year it has enveloped me with a sense of accountability that just will not allow me to shirk my duty to the people in my life. I'm sure you can see the sense of that.

I am once again tearing down the walls and rebuilding the house. I don't mind the work. The foundation seems sound enough, but the cost of renovation is taking it's toll and it gets harder to haul bricks as the years go by.
I try not to look at my face in the morning when I shave 'cause I start to think of bedsheets. Even if they are laundered and kept in relatively good condition they are still faded, stained and frayed at the edges; not nearly as nice as a fresh, new set.

Ice melting away.

Taking my regrets with it.

Winter lingers long 'till Spring.

Norwegian Wood

2011-01-06T12:46:00.006+09:00

Anyone attempting to bring a Murakami Haruki novel to the silver screen deserves to be recognized for undertaking a fantastically difficult task. Much of what happens in The stories presented to us is made both complex and enjoyable not only by the originality and depth of the characters in the books but also the forces, both social and circumstantial that prod and push them into sometimes incredible situations. Murakimi's use of nature and geography- a very Japanese trait- also becomes a living, breathing entity which encapsulates the the story and gives it the surreal feeling that almost anyone who describes his stories inevitably feels.

While Anh Hung Tran’s cinematography is absolutely amazing and the panoramic scenes imbibe us with the elemental power of breathtaking beauty, the movie's characters fall far from short from the depth in which Murakami describes them. There is almost no hint as to how the relationships between Toru Watanabe and Naoko, Midori, Reiko, Kizuki, Nagasawa and even the Storm Trooper and the circumstances of his life; both in the past and present, as well as the forces that contribute to all of his interpersonal relationships with these other members of the cast drive them along to the inevitable outcomes described by Murakami in his book.

The actors and actresses for the most part do a very good job and you can feel the tension and desperation as they portray the difficulties anyone experiences (especially teenagers) when having to deal with each other, the needs, desires, differences in personality and of course, the baggage that comes along with life. There was, I felt, a lack of angst, futility and boredom that is so often described in the novel.

If I am to point out the one part of the movie I found to be most distressing it would have to be the lack of any serious development of Reiko's part in the tale. To me, Reiko; as an adult the one anomalous character of the group- something apparent in almost every Murakami plot, was wholly left out of picture and the scene where she and Toru couple completely missed the mark in depicting the way our innate sexuality provokes us, heals us, confounds us or completely destroys us.

NYD

1. 1. 11.

2011-01-01T10:03:00.005+09:00

Waking up to the bright and glorious morning of the new year and viewing the awesome aftermath of nature's onslaught, I am confronted with the desire to leave my surroundings in their ethereal beauty and the unavoidable necessity of spoiling this evanescent picturesqueness.

There are, or at least there ought to be, moments when you just want the inexorable sweep hand to just take a vacation as opposed to those moments, of which there are far too many, where the push of the fast forward button is all you can think about; a speedy escape from all the troubles that assail you.

Yet now, with the opening pages of this book called 2011 we have a multitude of those very same said choices and moments before us. How will we balance the inevitable marring of the pages as we write upon them day after day with the desire to keep the penmanship pretty and grammar correct? The syntax of our actions during the next year will undoubtedly get mixed up from time to time, but as long as we keep the mistakes to a fair minimum, they will most likely be forgiven or even better; overlooked.

I am quite happy to put 2010 behind me. I don't know if I learned anything new about myself during the year, but I did learn a lot about the way I was behaving and it's effect on the people around me. I've got plans for this year, who hasn't? I have this one last chance to get it all straightened out and back on track. Like many games, races or competitions it often comes down to those final moments...and I'm in the homestretch.

Oh, by the way, what do you guys think about internet dating? Pathetic or potentially good?

Good morning happy campers

2010-12-28T08:43:00.002+09:00

Now that my readership is almost at nil. a natural recourse when you don't post anything for nearly eight months and I ought to give some kind of award to the seven of you who keep checking in, I feel that writing here is more narcissistic than ever and since I am my biggest fan, that jibes quite well with the way things are.

Have you ever been to summer camp, a school trip away from home or a package excursion to some far away land? Why is it that the folks who run these things feel the need to fill your day with endless activities and routine? For a couple of summers my mom packed me off to summer camp to get me out of the city and to keep me away from trouble, I suspect, and during those summers there was almost no moment when the campers weren't being herded like cattle on a drive across Texas. Reveille would sound. Yup, that's right, pardner. We actually had a bugle call, not a live bugler of course, it was recorded. Except for Monday mornings when someone thought it clever to play this song,

thus ensuring an extreme dislike for Mondays forever afterwards. The cowboys, um, counselors would rouse us, take us to the feeding trough, exercise us, hose us down, drive us to the watering hole, feed us again, lather- rinse- repeat...

A simple routine that has stayed with me for many decades far into my mid-life crisis:

wake up, Make the bed -everyday without fail, put on the coffee, jump into the shower, make and of course eat Breakfast, wash the dishes, etcetera, etcetera.

Whether we have them provided for us or not, most of us tend to fall into familiar patterns. Daily stuff like deciding what we want for dinner or choosing the right tie. Weekly grocery shopping or Sunday night dinner at the local Chinese restaurant. Those pesky monthly credit card statements that scream at you like a howler sent by an angry parent. Holidays, birthdays and anniversaries that all keep us running from one event to the next.

Well I, for one, am going to do my best to break up this conspiracy of Swiss watch manufacturers and Calendar makers. My one and only resolution for the new year is to be on the alert for anything that will break up the rhythm of repetition. Like Captain James T Kirk, I will...well, you know.

What will you be searching for?

Late in the Evening...

2010-04-21T23:15:00.002+09:00

There are a lot of people all over the world who are sharing emotions right now... Some of are feeling happiness and bliss and others are engaged in argument and anger. There are the supplicants, searching for an answer or some kind of divine interference and there are those like me... People who are feeling the unbearable burn; who are looking for solace. People and friends and neighbors who just didn't have the sense or foresight to avoid a Brioschi battle in the middle of the night.

My experimenting with cooking and an attempt at an eclectic mix of western and Asian style of food preparation has gone awry.

Thai curries are unforgiving!!!!!

Tonight I have heartburn and an agony that is unmatched by any other except for those of you who ate at the local Burrito stand, but it is the morrow I fear and I hear the voice of Johnny Cash in the back of my mind foreseeing my future.

The Taste Of Love Is Sweet
When Hearts Like Ours Meet
I Fell For You Like A Child
Oh,But The Fire Went Wild

Nah' ain't gettin maudlin yet, but I sure do have a a lot of limbo room...

I will be visiting soon.

...Dave's not here

2010-04-19T00:51:00.003+09:00

What a F'kin week!

The Chinese govt. has refused me a visa so I cannot attend my friends wedding.

My motorcycle is in the shop and I don't know when I will get it back.

My car must have it's bi-annual inspection and I would rather sell it than go through the trouble of maintaining it (The cost of an inspection here can be more than $1500.)

My hair is growing and I can't find a shampoo that doesn't make me smell like a two bit whore. (Even dogs are wary of me...)

Classes at the university have started and although I welcome them, (At this point in the game any distraction is received with open arms.) I am amazed at the innocence of college freshmen.

They actually trust me to teach them. Lordy are they in trouble...

There are some good things that have come my way.

I have been cooking my ass off and eating some of the best damn food I have eaten in about three years.

I have gotten reacquainted with friends that I haven't hung out with in a very looooong time.

I have lost about seven pounds. (I don't have enough money for both food and booze- guess which wins?)

I bought a box of condoms as a sign of good faith...I'm not really sure if I remember how to use them. Probably like riding a bike.

Don't ring my doorbell tomorrow, don't call my phone. Stay away from my mailbox and don't ask me for directions.

I'm logging off and shutting down, so please don't try to jack into my system.....

Talk again soon,

NYD.

There and back again...Again

2010-04-12T20:52:00.005+09:00

... ...Staring.

I sit; just staring at this screen trying to figure out the best way to get all the bullshit that's tangled up in my head, heart and guts unraveled and out into the open where it can be examined and an attempt to make sense of it can ensue.I guess one just has to start with the truth as it is and not as we see it...

My wife has left me and I don't believe she is coming back.

OK, so I put a little opinion in there, but the fact still remains that I have once again done something to make another person fall out of love with me. I am Crispy-less.Maybe I ought to have taken Tom Robbins' advice and told her I was going for Juniors cheesecake [WARNING: Obscure reference posted], but somehow I reckon that it wouldn't have made a difference.
I am gonna give this place another chance and see where the third version of this creation will take me.
Looks like were off on another adventure, The ~~Misplaced~~ Divorced man in Japan Ver: 3.0 ....Don't expect much. Unless I'm on a motorcycle it takes a ridiculously long time for me to get out of second gear...

See ya soon.

\(^o^)/*

"And he sailed off through night and day, and in and out of weeks, and almost over a year to where the wild things are."

True to my word.

2009-10-25T23:36:00.001+09:00

Hello. Long time since I been around these parts, hmmm.
I haven't been fucking around and ignoring my responsibilities as one of the bloggeratti. I have been up to things that are way more serious than talking about the merits of bolongna over sardines in a sandwich.

I can safely say that this has been one of the busiest months in my life. There have been a multitude of obsacles and events to overcome and attend to and although I haven't cleared the board of all my responsibilities, I have made them a lot more manegable.

I had to attend a funeral. I have to give a talk. University Curriculum updated and the start of classes yadda yadda yadda...

I am more than just a little bit curious about the way different cultures handle the passing of loved ones and relatives. America has it's own ceremonies and customs, but what I experienced earlier this month made the little hamsters powering my brain go haywire.

I know that I outght to enlighten you on the mysterious differences between life here in Japan and way the hell over the water back in America, sohere's one more thing you might find interesting.

The Japanese funeral, while basically the same as any other funeral I've attended- the robes of the clergy and the chanting and incantations differ in style, but not content and meaning- has one major difference. It is a participatory ceremony. In the states, everything that has to do with the care of the deceased is handled by professionals and in japan it is much the same except for one stage of the process.

In Japan those who mourn the passing assist in the cremation and entombment of their loved ones. This was a bit unusual for me; as you might have already suspected.

The casket is removed from the hearse by six pallbearers and placed on a pallet inside the creamatorium. Remove all the dark and sinister images from you heads, my brothers and sisters. The buildings look much the same as a modern church in any middle class neihborhood. The priest (Buddist) does his thing and afterwards, the pallet is loaded into the oven. After about 45 minutes (everytime I remember this part of the day I imagine the sound of a little bell, like those old kitchen timers calling me 'cuz the turkey is cooked) The pallet is removed (and here is where things get odd) with the remains of the body. You see, Not all of the body is turned to ash. The skull and many of the larger bones partially remain and the mourners take turns removing the bones and by passing them to each other with special bamboo chopsticks; placing them in a box. Once the bones have been collected the rest of the ashes are swept up and put in the box as well. Then we all jump in a bus and head over to the cemetary and stand around while the priests place the bones into the family crypt. Light a joss stick for respect and head back for more ceremonies.

I didn't know the woman well. I had only met her once. She was my wife's great aunt. I didn't have anything to do with the way she lived, but I helped her on her way afterwards. I guess that's what it's all about. We need someone(s help to come into the world and we need other to help us leave it.

I'm gonna get back to business and I promise, scout's honor (yeah, I was a scout) that I will be visiting you. I need the break from life you folks provide. For now though I'm gointa dist off my guitar. You people aren't the only thing I've been neglecting.

Cheers!

Not a final cut.

2009-10-12T20:54:00.002+09:00

I am just too darn tired, so tired, bone tired, to do anything that involves thinking.

So I am going to put the world on hold until things start making sense again.

Stay cool!

A letter to the Editor

2009-09-26T08:24:00.003+09:00

Dear blog.

I really am amazed at the amount of time that has passed since we have last spoken to each other. I want to apologise, but I can't. If I start feeling guilty about everything then I will also have to say "I'm sorry" to the stack of TIME magazines on the table, the two novels sitting by the bed, my e-mail account and this semester's syllabus

I have been quite busy with two things that have taken up an incredible amount of my time. The first is an hour long talk I have been asked to give. The topic is complicated and made more so because I have to do the whole darned thing in Japanese! The other thing that has been keeping me away from you is a game called FarmVille. I know, I know. It sounds like I have been stepping out on you, but it's not like that. I really had nothing nice to say, so I decided to say nothing. FarmVille is just a diversion. something that lets me fritter away some time without any mental effort. You, on the other hand need quite a lot of attention.

Am I saying you are high maintenance?
Well, I guess I am, but that doesn't mean I don't love you.
Okey doke, it's Saturday here and I have to get going to work. I will write again soon, promise!

Your bestest friend,
NYD

The Hamster Spins

2009-09-01T17:48:00.001+09:00

Fight ~~ignaranse~~, uh, Eliminate ~~stewpididty~~. Er, reduce ~~vapidatee~~
Aw shit, just go out and antagonize a blockhead. It'll make you feel better!

It sometimes takes me an awfully long time to get my brain my mouth and the fingers, rat-a-tap tapping at this keyboard like a drunken hermanphrodite's ill fitting dentures, to agree with each other. Well, maybe agree isn't the exact word I'm looking for. Continuity sums it up better. Different parts of me seem to run at various speeds; a revolt against the timekeeping conspiracy that was wrested from the Swiss in a hostile takeover by a Japanese consortium in the mid-seventies. a random determination of lunar, martian and bio-degradable calenders all vying for dominance of my breakfast schedule.

I guess that I scared off some of the more straight laced people who aren't coming here looking for lesbians or David Hasselhoff Yeah, I dare you to click the link. You know what happened last time.
Where the hell is my guitar? Oh, here it is, good. I have started to become accustomed to typing with a guitar on my lap. It's not as much fun as a six foot tall Swedish model, but she doesn't slap my hands away when I get all touchy.
Been thinking about promises. Been thinking 'bout a lot of shit, but giving your word to someone seems to be at the top of the list these days. That's because I agreed to something and now I don't know how happy I am doing what I said I would do. I detest people who break their word and I have always voiced my opinion and peppered people who ran away from their responsibility with caustic remarks. No, not over little things like not being late for a Sunday brunch and a Little hangover helper or returning that damned Best of Polish Beer Drinking Polkas CD you borrowed four months ago, but things that need a handshake or the kiss of Don Coreleone's pinky ring.

Of what value is a vow? How do you measure the price of a promise? Does obligation outweigh happines? Honor over freedom? These are just some of the wheels spinning around in my head while my body is preoccupied with attacking the wild vegetation around my home, my in-laws house and the farm fields .

Misplaced Note: After reading the comments (thank you all very much.) I re-read this post and I can understand how one might have been mistakenly led to believe that I was talking about marriage (possibly mine) when in trality I was thinking about all kings of agreements; from spitting on your palm and shaking hands as a kid to signing that million dollar contract that floats around somewhere between Avarice Station and Lala-Land.
Keep your promises or don't make 'em at all.
NYD.

Livin in Lilliput.

2009-08-21T00:00:00.006+09:00

This is for Grant the bunny master.

Just don't ask me how I got here. I am, after all, Misplaced.

Now go check out the quote I left next to my avatar.

I really will be back soon... With Tempura and sauce!

Addendum: Here is a link for all the ladies who wanted to see sexy men in action Just remember that I am not responsible for the background music.

Keeping Busy

2009-08-11T13:10:00.005+09:00

We are experiencing technical difficulties....

This guy does some amazing things and has hidden several very funny jokes in this video. I wonder if you could spot them. I couldn't get them all...

Staying Dis-connected

2009-08-03T08:49:00.005+09:00

Michael Griffin Harrie has earned his spot in the Andy Warhol hall of shame. Rising from obscurity to media hype/ Internet stardom in a very short time. It seems to me that our modern world not only provides us with a multitude of ways to stay in contact with people, it expects us to maintain a constant vigil at our computers and cell phones.
The aforementioned Mr Harrie, who was never really missing, never even realized how much of an uproar he inadvertently created when he exercised the right of any adult human being and decided to unlock his front door and venture out into the world. A facebook group =Help Find Micheal Harrie= was created and garnered thousands of members. That is in fact how I happened to hear of this in the first place.

This was all very touching. All these people sent prayers of a safe return home and well wishing to a person they had never known and never will know. Yet there was something that kept tickling the back of my mind like a street fighter rabbit punching his adversary. I thought to myself:

'The guy was just out in the world and enjoying himself so much that he lost track of time.'

This is the least of our worries.

What if the guy just wanted a little solitude or adventure without having to inform someone or ask for their approval? (yes, I do realize that in this [Micheal's] particular circumstance that there were extenuating factors.)
Why did we believe someone was missing in the first place? And why do we so very quickly assume the worst?
We worry about how far the government or industry can invade our private lives, but with very little coercion we readily offer up so much of ourselves on a variety of sites on the web. If we are so concerned with our privacy why do we allow complete strangers into our "homes".
I think that maybe it's OK to not apologise for not calling, mailing, texting, tweeting, posting, commenting, answering the phone or my front door.
Life might just be a little less stressful if we were all just a bit more dis-connected. Not having to 'check-in' all the time was my first memory becoming independant.
I have a cell phone which I often conveniently forget at home or in my car just because I dislike the fact that someone can reach me at anytime. It feels like a leash, so I do what I can to keep it from pulling to tightly.

Ironic that I now use Skype at home and for work....
We don't need Big Brother. Were doing it to ourselves.

Where am I gonna get a Herring???

2009-07-28T05:53:00.003+09:00

I often wish that I were better at planning things before I actually do them. I spent the better part of the weekend cutting back the trees that border the backyard and trimming the bushes surrounding my in-laws property.

Doesn't sound too tough, does it?

Well that's why I wish I had taken a camera with me. The shrubbery was at least nine feet high and maybe twelve~fifteen yards long (about a dozen or so trees.) not really tough, but time consuming. I do most of the trimming with hand tools and keeping things level and tight is more time consuming than difficult.
The real problem was lopping off the top three or four feet from the trees in the backyard using only hand tools. If you can imagine balancing on a ladder while stuck half inside a tree and attacking ankle thick branches with a tiny little hand saw than you have a pretty good idea of what I must have looked like and you don't need the pictures. If you imagination is such that you see all this happening in Charlie Chaplin or Buster Keaton style then rest assured you know how I felt.

I'll do my best to remember to photograph the place when I go up there again in two weeks time, but I am getting really sick of doin this stuff by hand. The only good thing you can say about seven hours of landscaping is that it gives you one helluva workout and it makes the beer taste absolutely ambrosial.

I want power tools or Bob Vila's assistance next time!

I'll Play the Blues for You

2009-07-22T23:56:00.000+09:00

Paulo Coelho is a pretty good writer (My very own personal understatement of the week.)and he has a really good Blog too

Recently he has asked people whether lonliness is a burden or an opportunity to look deep within ourselves

Well at the very start of this discussion we ought to reject the idea that solitude has very little to do with lonliness. Solitude has a way of allowing you the freedom to exercise your very own introspection. If you then add a lack of responsibility and loss of property then the feelings become more acute. This is one reason why travelling and adventure in foreign lands seems to expand our horizons.

Lonliness on the other hand can be so consuming that there is no room for introspection. No time for anything except thoughts of release from how you are feeling. There are many people would do just about anything to shed themselves of the dark blanket of lonliness when it covers them.
For me, lonliness is my soul, my spirit wanting to be understood and loved. No matter how busy I may be, focused on work or how many people are sharing laughter during times of social gatherings I'm still encumbered by the distance there is betwen myself and the people around me. A gulf that seems far too wide for any person to cross. Fortunately there are ways to build bridges.
Sharing and allowing others to share with us is one way that we may start the beginnings of understanding.
Maybe we are not meant to understand each other. maybe we are meant to understand only a few or even only one other person we encounter during our lives.
It is the effort we make when we attempt to find out about others that keeps lonliness at bay; not the other way around.

If you're down and out and you feel real hurt.

Come on over to the place where I work.

And all your loneliness...

I'll try to soothe I'll play the blues for you.

Don't be afraid come on in You might runacross (yeah) some of your old friends.

All your loneliness I've got to soothe.

I'll play the blues for you.

I ain't got no big name oh lord and I ain't no big star.

I'll play the blues for you on my guitar.

All your loneliness I'll try to soothe.

I'll play the blues for you

"99 & 44/100% pure".

2009-07-19T22:04:00.007+09:00

I think that it's a little odd that a guy who hates being bound to a wrist watch lives in a country that is overwhelmingly regulated by them.

I look at the dates of my posts and I'm amazed that I don't get the chance to do more storytelling. I guess that means I'm livin life and not talking about it. That's fairly commendable, but there ought to be a little down time for letting people know what life is like on this side of the puddle.
Even though I had to work today (Sun.) and had a great time with my students. I spent every available moment I could playing my guitars. I keep one at the school and one at home and few things make me happier than when I am chilling out and makin' music.
Everyone's got that one thing that makes them jive. Finding out what it is is half the fun.

I got a call from my sister yesterday. It seems that the City of New York wants me to explain why I haven't reported for jury duty...ever.
The last time I was home I told them that I just plain didn't live in America anymore and that I found it very unlikely that my boss would give me time off to help incarcerate recidivists. I am the boss and I know damn well that I ain't givin myself two weeks vacation, paid or otherwise.

I need a new TV show to watch. If i can't find something to hold my interest the mouse starts clicking on porn sites. Now before you judge me just let me tell you why I watch the ghastly stuff.
To be totally honest. I mean boy scout salute three fingers in the air honest about this; I find pornographic movies to be absolutely hilarious. You think I'm shittin you, but I'm not!
My first ever porn flick was the classic, Deep Throat. Now many of you have heard of it, but probably never seen it. It is without a doubt a masterpiece! Funny!, Funny!!, Funny!!!
Not like the crappy videos that are produced simply for whacking material. This is a triumph of the human spirit. It was not only Linda Lovelace who brought us out of the middle American closet, but also Marilyn Chambers who showed us the hypocrisy of our ways. James Tiberius Kirk and Lt. Uhura were not the first Oreo cookie.

I am not a fan of porn, but I do like fucking.

I think the world would be a whole lot better if we spent more time literally fucking each other over than figratively doing it.

It feels better that way.

There's always time enough for love.

Idle Hands

2009-07-12T09:10:00.006+09:00

Two whole days off.
Two in a row! Sunday and Monday Together, side by side and I don't have to work.
I can sit and watch the milk turn into yogurt if I wanted to. I could study the growth of my fingernails, if that was my thing. It ain't.

It's kinda hard to decide on what to do when you finally get a large block of freedom to play with. You'd think it was easy, but it's not. Maybe if you can imagine being really hungry and then going to a smorgasbord and you can't decide what it is you wanna eat.

Speaking of food. I had lunch at Mickey-D's the other day and you'll never believe what has become a HUGE hit in Japanland. Are you ready for this?
The Quarter Pounder WTF? Is it like, 1973 here? I guess the Japanese, like the rest of the world, have finally given up on trying to convert Americans to the metric system and have allowed the burger to enter the country legally. It is well known that Quarter pounders and their cohorts with cheese have been illegally crossing the border for many years now.

I for one am glad this new phenomenon has occurred. Now I no longer have to explain a certain scene in Pulp Fiction and can just sit back and relax until Arnold the pig is mentioned.

By now I have just wasted about twenty minutes of my day. Well not really wasted it. I nibbled on some cheese while writing this. Maybe I am a rat after all.

I just couldn't help but think that there are even more ways to waste my time while waiting for dearest Crispy to wake up from her beauty sleep.
I decided to clean out our storage room but I wasn't sure where I ought to put the stuff. I figured this guy could help me out

Absolutely! Leave it to the pros. While that's being taken care of I might as well go out and see if I can't pick up some new furniture for my digs.

I don't believe that two days will be enough to cure what ails me, do you?

Turn on the hot water.

2009-07-09T01:31:00.006+09:00

I am a whore!

Click to see gumby in the background.

I know it's true, because my wife agrees with me and she just don't lie.
Let me set the facts down for you..

1.) I live in Japanland and and make a bit of gelt from transforming gibberish into something that resembles the English language. Not the kind of language that most teenagers and rappers express themselves with, but a certain kind of English nonetheless.

2.) I quit smoking over a year ago and I pride myself on not having that unmistakable "holier than thou" stinky attitude that seems to infect any form of reformed dip-shit. You know who I'm talking about.

3.) I have this thing about "truth". Although I will prevaricate when necessary, fib in order to save someones feelings, stretch veracity to provide entertainment and tell a bald faced lie in order to protect those I love- I still got this thing about truth. I don't like bullshit. This is probably why I am a big fan of Penn & Teller.

Enough appetizer. Let's dig into some meat and potatoes or maybe some patchouli scented greens and granola for the vegans out there.

My wife Crispy* got some translation work from JT (Japan Tobacco). They have a factory here in Lilliput and unfortunately for the people who work there it is closing down. A sad, but all to common occurrence nowadays. The people at the factory are going to England to show them how cigarettes are made in Japanland, so they put this multimedia presentation together and wrote the English on their own without any assistance. I actually like it when folks do this because I end up making some pretty decent cheese for correcting their creative sentence constructions and seriously silly syntax.

Usually I do this kind of work for research scientists who are attempting to publish their work in international journals. This time I was poring my efforts into a company whose products I don't like and definitely do not support, so correcting mangled statements whose mathematical proof was specious at best or were down right falsehoods made me feel just a little itchy.What made it fun was the amount of hilarity this report has produced. Crispy and I have been infected by the ridiculousness of things and are trying to ward off the lingering feelings of guilt with laughter and mockery.

I don't like doing this kind of work. The company is being both demanding and parsimonious, but a rat's gotta eat and like I said; this is a pretty big piece of cheese.

*Not her real name.

A realy cool blogger, X-Dell, who is not a whore, has put something together that will amaze and entertain you. Go check it out, now.

Dog Days?

2009-07-08T08:59:00.004+09:00

Click to increase the amount of ennui in your life.

Things, and by that I mean work school and all the hairy bullshit in between, have become way too busy for my tastes.
I ought to be in "countdown" mode! University finals are coming up in at the end of the month and shortly after that Obon -The Japanese version of thanksgiving, but here, half of the guests are the spirits of family ancestors. makes it kinda hard to argue about a drumstick or cranberry sauce.

This is supposed to be a time to wind down and take things at a much slower pace. I figure that a snail would look pretty swift to me if I had my way. I wanted to rumble along at speeds matching the Pacific tectonic plate.

This might sound a little bit geeky, but I will publicly admit that I am looing forward to the upcoming Harry Potter movie. It will a good chance to get my wife out of the house and into a cocktail or two. You can't go dancing after a HP movie. the cloaks and wand holsters get in the way and the wizard hats just look out of place. Besides traipsing around yelling out "Whatchyamacalla" or "Expectotoratum Mucosa congealeum" isn't hip anymore.

As always, even if I donot respond to your comments, they are very much appreciated and a large part of my daily happymaking.

One last note. A truly erudite blogger, X-Dell has put something together that will amaze and entertain you. Go check it out, now.

Bang! You're dead.

2009-07-02T22:56:00.006+09:00

Look I know that I am making up for lost time here and it seems like I am doing a quick cut and paste to produce a post and keep you all visiting.
Well, that's not too far from the truth. I do want to keep you interested in the exploits and thoughts of a Thoroughly Misplaced Man in Japanland without the 140 word restriction I have recently subscribed to.

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Jeff Goldblum Will Be Missed

http://www.colbertnation.com/

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

Jeff Goldblum

In the six months since I purchased the computer I am presently writing this post with, there has been an incredible influx of information pouring into my life via the stupid information highway. I have watched the equivalent of three or four years of TV, a slew of movies- some that haven't even made their way across the ocean to my adopted hometown yet, I am taking online guitar lessons (They really work Check this guy out.) and of course doing my best to keep up with you folks in the Blogger nation. I tweet too. Go here now to check me out .

Mostly all of this all occurs well after I have taken care of my daily responsibilities; which are considerable. I was disturbed by the news of Jeff Goldblum's demise in New Zealand. After all, I have friends there and I would hate to associate them with the death of one of my favorite actors. Then there was Jeff's response to his own death and I was amazed at how graciously he accepted it.

Is there a limit to the amount of things one can successfully do in a day, a week, a year?

I feel constantly overwhelmed by the amount of things I do not know- as well as the myriad things I cannot do well; yet. I think that it's a little more than strange to have reached my present age and still creave new experiences. New Knowledge, skills and possibly a whole new start in life. Is this male menopause???

More shit to come real soon....

Well, you know it ain't easy

2009-06-26T23:31:00.007+09:00

I, like you, am just trying to do the right thing.
I got my part to play and eventhough it's all constant improvisation I am trying to make my way to the final curtain call without flubbing too many lines and missing the mark.

I had to vent, but at the present I cannot tell you why. I know that it's kinda infantile to "run outside" and scream profanities in public if you don't have tourettes, but it does make you feel a little better.

I'm Leaving the city for the weekend. Gonna play in the dirt and chase a little white ball around the mountainside. I am looney tunes!

Thanks for your patience and we will be back as right as rain.

Same Bat time. Same Bat channel. "Say hello to my little feet"

Ben Dover

2009-06-25T23:41:00.008+09:00

I was nice to you and you gave me huge handful of shit in return.

FUCK

YOU!

I feel better now, thank you

Gumby wants every one to ride Poky!

Well, whadaya know?

2009-06-19T23:46:00.012+09:00

I'm playing guitar. (Not up to snuff)
Paying my dues at work. (I bet you do the same)
Keeping the students in line and good form. (Family is where you find it sometimes)
Walking the walk, getting in shape (Summertime and the livin' is easy...)
Lookin forward to a BBQ. (Add your own rhetorical question)
Mostly wonderin where the hours that I keep stashed away disappear too.
I ain't too worried about where I'm goin. Just tryin' to make sense of where I've been.

=intermission=

It doesn't really matter how long you tread upon the earth. There are still mysteries to be uncovered, new facts to absorb and experiences that will cause you to re-assess the way you look the world around you. What is unexpected is new and interesting developments between couples who have been married for more than seven years and have hopefully survived the itch.

I give my wife as much respect and space as our humble abode will allow us. She gets to sleep late while I rat-a tap, tap at the key board or quietly strum my guitar. She wakes up to a fairly fresh pot of coffee and breakfast with a smile. She also indulges my whims and does her best to ignore the various peccadillo's that crop up from time to time. The occasional drink helps.

All in all we have as healthy a relationship as one can expect from two people living together that not only have grown up on different continents, but also speak different languages. Who have different views on culture, filial piety and aesthetic values.

Because we work together and share many of the same sports and activities we spend more time together than the average couple. I can't remember the last time I spent a whole day without being within earshot of her, so after almost a decade there aren't supposed to be any more surprises. Well, not any disturbing ones anyway...
But last week I discovered something deeply disturbing. Something so horrific that I tremble as I recall the incident for your consideration.

(Cue music: You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is
another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of
mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and
ideas. You've just crossed over into... the Married Zone. )

Last week we decided to dress ourselves up and go out for drinks, dinner and a movie, but not in that particular order. That in itself is not abhorrent, but what occurred as we were applying the final touches to our appearance is. I generally give the mastress of the house full reign of the bathroom mirror so she can do whatever it is that girls do to make themselves pretty for us.
I had finished dressing and had been waiting patiently for about forty minutes when I realized that I had forgotten to put on cologne. I surreptitiously slipped up to the mirror and it was a s I was reaching for my bottle of Paco Rabbane that I noticed she was trimming her eyebrows, hmmmm, interesting. It was then! There in her hands!! The offensive object!!!

NYD-
What are you using to trim your brows?

Crispy-
What does it look like?*

looks like a pair of scissors.

You're brighter than you look. I knew there was a reason I married you.

Um, Do you know what I use them for, where they've been?

Uh huh...

Well, alright then.

(* translated from the original Japanese)

But it wasn't alright. No, not at all. For the rest of the evening the same thought loitered at the perimiter of my thoughts and intruded upon every moment. Each time I looked at her: while driving downtown, buying tickets to the show, sharing a menu to order food, and clinking glasses as we approached inebriation-each laugh, every questioning look or smile was tinged with a patina of verdigis. The scissors hung in the air between us and will do so until I go out and buy her a pair of her own.You must understand. The offending tool is not your ordinary implement of death and destruction. They have been to a place and been used for a purpose that usually goes unmentioned.

I use them to trim my nostril hair.....The horror...The horror

2009-06-16T23:16:00.004+09:00

The more I try to get myself away from all the hairy bullshit in this world the tougher it gets. The wonderful folks who bring us all the nifty toys, gadgets and software make it all the more difficult to escape by making it all the more enjoyable to hang around the party to see what's going to happen next. Did I just type nifty???

I have discovered that even when you cut yourself off from electronic communication for a sort time or long, there is a strong desire to return with a tale or two of adventure.

We were born to communicate and that, my friends, is why things like the Internet, web logs and now twitter have become such powerful forces in our daily lives.

Take a look at the video above. I know it ain't art, but when was the last time you saw something like this and you weren't near a Wal-Mart at Christmas?

It goes back to the days when a guy named Marty told stories around the campfire and painted pictures on the walls of Lascaux.

The weekend was OK. I played golf (terribly) and ate and drank far more than is good for me. -Oh how unusual- Saw some bull fighting and even spent a couple of hours (Cue Baba O'Riley bactrack, Daa, da, da daaaaan) out in the fields planting, not al-fucking-falfa, but tomatoes. and trimming hedges. I wish I had taken pictures of the garden work. Japanese bushes (Grant, get yer head out of the gutter) are amazing. Trimming them was a serious piece of concentration and craftsmanship. I will post pics in the future or mabey hire Marty to paint them on your screen..

Twitter is fun. I can say all kinds of shit and it doesn't really bother me that it's essentially fluff. That's OK, How much serious conversation do we actually have in a 24 hour period. coming back home to my hum drum life and the day to day problems that come along with it ain't all that bad. I got someone to share my disgust and ennui with and in commiserating we will find a way to try something new. I'm thinking Victoria's secret and she's thinking shopping in Tokyo.

I guess it's back to story telling

Whole lotta shakin'

2009-06-13T00:42:00.004+09:00

Hey there and holy sheeeet or is that wholly shiiit. Oh fuck it. Donn't really matter one way or the udder- got milk?

I really apreciate the comments you leave and I wish I could reply to all of them, but I just can't find a way to juggle my keyboard, a hoard of ignorant students and an exeercise programme (enforced) without giving up something.

I promise you this- I will continue to write the most inane and slightly insulting things I can while pretending to actually care about the future of the planet.

Int he meantime I'll leave you with this little tidbit:

"If you hang yourself by the neck, you don't need so much pressure to kill yourself," she said. "Those who get highly sexually aroused tend to forget this fact."

Just what or who the hell was I reading about?

Oh yeah, I'm on Twitter now too.

Same dumb name, Same dopey comments.

Than Q and good night.

Making the cut

2009-06-11T06:03:00.000+09:00

Ya know something? As cool as he was; Andy Wharhol was fulla crap!

"Everybody will be famous for 15 minutes." Bear soap!
A few of you might remember a post I did a few months ago in which I described the really fun times I had goofin' with a comedian on the street.
Well the show aired last Friday and my segment got left on the cutting room floor. Shucks, I was hopin to get another tatse of being on TV.

At least Mr Wharhol wasn't completely stupid. He might have actually been a little precient when he next stated: "I'm bored with that line. I never use it anymore. My new line is "In 15 minutes everybody will be famous"."

I guess he must have imagined the future world of the World Wide Web (of intrigue), Boogers, Faceplant and Twister.

Do you or do you know anyone who Tweets???

Gettin back to basics

2009-06-03T21:50:00.001+09:00

Ya, know something, I am an asshole. A bastard or maybe even a mutha fucker. I sometimes go out of my way to get you to think so. I don't really care which nomenclaure you lable me with just so long as it disassociates me from the regular run of the mill hoi polloi (yes, I realize a redundancy has raised it's ugly head).

You see I gotta be different or at the very least least feel like I'm special. I even burned my membership card to Steve Martin's non-conformists union.
This might sound like the start of a diatribe upon the ills of socialism, communism or possibly embolism.

It's not.

It's an echo of what I have been seeing, reading and feeling from folks all around me.
I might just be more than a little presumptuous and it wouldn't be the first time that I opened my mouth wide enought to fit more than a pair of EEE Doc Martin's into the amazing maw of misinterpretation, but I believe that we are all trying so hard to keep our heads above water in very rough seas that we are missing a really important distinction in what is happening to the world economy and it's effect on our lives and the actual world that we live in.

I am inlined to make an analogy of Orson Well's famous, or rather infamous War of the Worlds radio broadcast.
Some of us are running in panic when there really isn't anything to panic about. At the very least there isn't anything we can do about the issues that are causing the anxiety.

The aliens have landed and you've got to find a course of action to take. (I ain't talkin about immigration issues here.)
1.Put your head in the sand and let the world pass you by.
2.Continue to live like you have without consequense or responsibility and let others pick up the slack.
3.Get off your duff and make some changes in your attitude and actions that will make a difference to the world around you. Yes, I realize that this is open to a lot of interpretation, but that is exactly how I mean it to be. I want to open the Wall-Mart can of worms and let us all wrangle the idea of doing the right thing until we figure out all the different ways we can make the sand castle better. The tide will keep us on our toes and constantly at vigil, but that is , as I see it, a good thing.
4. fill in your own particular opinion.

I can see the obvious objections to my ideas: I am using a blog- That's kinda mainstream these days.
I live in Japan - Rich, Hi Tech and without financial worries since the Honda civic was born.
Education- The backbone of my business and livleyhood- is always steady in good times and bad.
I have been sneaking off and indulging in my wife's cold medicine so I am totaly high and about as coherent as spooky Mulder chasing his sister's abductors.

If you've made it this far I truly congratulate you. It must have been harder to read through that bull crap then it was for me to write it (not really). some of it must have been fairly interestin, yeah?

Get rid of all the sillines that people will try to sell you and make sure your govt. officials aren't full of self interest, read: shit. Then get busy making you little part of the world work well for you and your neighbors. No matter who they are.

Don't sweat the big stuff. The small things count.

Have a nice day!

Gotta go score some Kleenex

2009-05-28T10:57:00.005+09:00

For the last week I have had a cold.

It sucks!!

It sucks because the darned thing is just mildly annoying.

It doesn't really affect my performance at work and it doesn't detract from my ability to cognate. (at least I dont think it does.) What it does do is to is to wage a war in my sinuses and produce copious amounts of , of; uh, how do I say this to you, so that those who are eating or soon will be; won't be put off your meal?

Ah, hell, there is no way: snot, boogers, phlegm, goo, yuk, nasty, you name it. The only thing that hasn't come out of my nostrils is the hope diamond.

This time around most people were avoiding me because of the swine flu paranoia that has been spread though the nation by the health ministry and the media. But more often than not, whenever I have a cold everyone and their brother had a home remedy for me. "Mash up ginger root and beets then drink it down with hot water"-UGH! Gross "Tie a warm scallion around your neck"- Why do I look like; the jolly green giant? "Heat up some water and mix in honey cinnamon, cloves, star anise and a shot of whiskey"- That's more like it! At least if it doesn't work I won't mind the effects of the whiskey. Hmmm, better make that two shots.

Unfortunately what does happen is that my wife force feeds me some cold medicine from some mysterious box or bottle with curious indecipherable characters on the label.

That shit just fucked me up! I took two tablets and I was off to la la land. I was flying wild style around the school for half the day, Whew!

When rock bands come to japan they don't have to risk getting caught with illicit drugs all they have to do is go to the local pharmacy and score some cold medicine. That stuff was mad potent!

Two steps behind.

2009-05-23T22:51:00.004+09:00

I am, at best, always a little behind the times.

This is not a joke.

Nor is it a problem.

There are times when everything is like walking on the bottom of a pool. It's all so muddled and all movement is sluggish and over-exaggerated with a huge amount of effort producing very little forward progress, but it's also nice and quiet down here. Sure, life is hectic at times, but that just allows me to better appreciate the moments when it all slows down and I am once again viewing the world through molasses goggles.

Been tryin to work my way out of a bad patch recently and not doing a very good job of it. It's the usual stuff: worrying about my future, work, money, happiness, money, satisfaction, once again; money, marriage, more and more money and of course sex. Ya know, the whole ball of wax wrapped up in plain brown paper.

Then about a week ago I happened onto something called Penn & Teller's Bullshit. Now I am pretty certain that this is old news to you, but don't forget that I live in Lilliput and we still milk cows by hand and churn our own butter. This show is pretty fuckin' awesome. Not only was it entertaining and enlightening it also got me to once again taking a closer look, for the umpteenth time, at some of the bullshit I have layered my life with.

Somewhere along the fine line I walk, I had forgotten about being able to tell shit from shinola. It was both refreshing and humorous to see the ways these guys debunked all kinds of Bullshit.

Now fertilizer has it's uses. When we are sowing thoughts and doing deeds there is a fair amount of manure needed to get things going, but as plants and flowers begin to grow and flourish it becomes more important to prune and trim.

I don't know how many times I written a post like this. One where I resolve to clean up my act and start acting like a mature human being. I leave all kinds of messages around to remind me of what's good and important in life, but after a while I start to stray and the darned cycle starts over again.

I like being slow. This way when life hits a brick wall there ain't too much damage. A few dings that need some body work, but the chassis is fine.

I think I'll go out for a drive today,

See ya!

Tabula Rasa

2009-05-18T10:07:00.002+09:00

There is A (alpha)

then there is a whole lot of space to fill with life adventures, love, learning and friendship...

and at the end of it all, Ω.

Life is like an Oreo cookie!

Black Hole

2009-05-11T09:28:00.011+09:00

Yes, I understand that this is a picture of an eclipse.

I haven't spent my life living in the penumbra.

It is amazing to me that in this modern day society, especially here in Japan, that there still exist pockets of isolation where time, even if it hasn't stopped, has slowed down to a reasonable pace.
The past ten days of my life have been spent in a place where I had very little electronic connection to the world. I thought I would be grateful for the retreat from the everyday business of being me.
Yet something quite the opposite occurred. I discovered that I could be doing something I absolutely love to do and be miserable. Spend time with people that are so very precious to me and still be completely alone or behaving poorly. I have, in the past, written about similar circumstances, yet I feel that this time I am really in the crapper and fouling things up for others.I have come to realize that we often do not know what is best for ourselves. Before people start calling me Billy Milligan; it's safer to put that last sentence into the first person singular, which is exactly what I shall do: I often do not know what is best for me.
When you are driving along and you discover that you made a wrong turn, it's usually easy enough to correct your course and get back on track even if you have been travelling in the wrong direction for quite some time.
A few voiced expletives and a turn of the wheel and you are on your way. I wish it were that easy with the ship we steer through life.
Right now I feel like my compass is broken and my rudder all wonky and the crew malevolently planning a mutiny. Ok, ok, so I am stretching things a bit and acting like a drama queen, ti's true. What I am trying to get at is how I can find my center again? Ironic that the title of this blog has become so apropos.

What would Gumby do?

The post response, Post.

2009-04-30T14:12:00.004+09:00

An utter lack of imagination compounded with a plethora of personal problems has created a rift between you, my lovely readers, and Myself.
Just for the record I am still quite comfortable with my masculinity and there is no trans-gender confusion nor conversions occurring. I am NYD and Blanch Dubois was a respite from a momentary lapse of joviality.

The golden Week holidays are kicking in and I will be scarce for the next couple of days, but at the rate that I post these days most of you would have not noticed this unless I mentioned it; which OI did, so there.

Here are my thoughts and responses to my previous post with a little icing on the cake for sweetness.

Lime~ I really loved the post about the sunglasses. Seeing you and your daughters trying on all kinds of wacky eye apparel made me want to go out and do the same.

Your recent posts on food have been tantalizing. Were I not on a diet I would have whipped up a whole lot of chicken and waffles for dinner.

Grant~ I truly hope that you are feeling better. I want you to know that I can no longer walk or drive down the street and see a woman without wondering if she's up to "Bunny" standards.

Beth~ The best thing you can say about friends is that they'll always tell something to keep your spirits up- even when it's a bald-faced lie. Cheers!

Citizen~ Much like your moniker states, you are straightforward and literal in your writing and thinking. I enjoy the forthrightness of your posts and comments immensely.

Megan~ While everyone else was poking fun at my appearence you had the unusual ability to ignore the idiocy staring you in the face and the bravery to click on the picture thereby making the hideousness even more gargantuan, all in order to settle a single point of curiosity. As a reward you will eventually get your picture.

Spin~ I could tell you that I've looked better, but not only would you have known it, you would have turned the statement into a sexy little licentious double entedre.

Kurt~ You are a rock!

Pug~ Thanks for Banche. You will never know just how badly I needed that bit of jocularity. I am looking through the thrift shops for a portable Karaoke set.

Grunt~ I am entranced by the deeply disturbed posts and utter discombobulation that appears on your pages. Your honesty and coolness are apparent even when you weren't feeling so great. You are not only correct that guitar is the path to salvation. I believe it is saving my life.
P.S. Mike Rowe has the second best occupation in the world.

Mona~ Tenderness, beauty and erudition is a rare enough trait in a single human being, yet to find that one person posses all three is simly remarkable. I love reading both your prose and poetry. Your words make me want to travel, to leave the ordinary behind and search for the elusive end of the rainbow.

Java Junkie~ I want to sit at your table and eat 'til I've gained back all the weight i've lost!

NME~ Some people feel too much and they are doomed to a fate of eternally trying, not only to understand the problems of the world, but also to make folks understand them and love each other. How frustrating it must seem to be like Cassandra; whose words of truth and prophesy were never understood.

SJ~ Amazing how in the midst of a lousy situation at work you can still find time to come up with something funny to say. Whenever I am in need of a sturdy right hook and a tickle of the funny bone along with some of the most inventive word play I have ever read, I will be at your house doing my best to keep up with you and your cohorts.

Halvah= Love!

Dawn~ I think that anyone in this awesome list of people would love your blog. It is bright funny and there are plenty of pictures of cute women. I can think of the perfect Humphry Bogart quote to put here...

Boxer~ I only wish!!!!
Sturdy and feminine. I imagine you as being all the things I like about girls and all the things I like about guys all rolled into one (don't get the wrong idea).
Hard working independant business owners are a rare breed theese days.

Moi~ If I didn then I most certainly wouldn't be in Japan teaching English.
I always enjoy the way you are able to put forth ideas with a appropriate balance of emotion and intellect. The spring teel in your spine lets you be opinionated without becoming boorish or crass. Refreshing like an autumn apple.

P.S. You might think that Eve was framed, but I have always believed that she could well handle herself.

K-9 Artistic and defiant, bringing both light and pigment together to provide everyone with a little bit of warmth.
Your Christmas creations of CD covers for all that visit your house, left me with an enduring impression of sensitivity and grace. But another truth is that you often scare the bejeezus out of me. Yourbark and your bite are fearsom- Grrhahahaha!

Leelee~ I can't imagine any one who I'd rather party with. You are always so full of life that I will just have to forgive you for becoming a facebook addict. Althought the things you are doing there are a blast to see.

Baby, YOU were born to run!

Love to all,
NYD.

J-Cat

2009-04-23T22:43:00.003+09:00

Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. I'm a selfish bastard and I haven't been sharing all my inane thoughts, wonderful insights and ridiculous stories with you. Well, tough tootsies!

I have been mightily productive and been so busy living life and creating stuff that I haven't had time to talk about it. Actually that's a lie. I've been spending all my free time watching Prison Break and playing my guitar. So sue me.

Here in Lilliput the school year starts in April and I have been trying to work out something that no one has ever seen in this school. I am integrating all my classes with the school bulletin board, Internet resources and cell phone communication. I am far from complete, but so far the results are pretty outstanding.
It's kinda like starting a blog and all of a sudden you have sixty or more comments on each post. I have never seen college students this excited about something other than the opposite sex or money.

Ok, so that's mostly me right there. As always it comes down to work, so what of it?
I finished the last interview for the radio show and I don't want it to end. I am really digging it. I have an ego the size of Marge Simpson's Beehive and chilling out in a studio again brings back some sweet memories. (Just in case you didn't know, I used to have my own radio show here.)

I still suck at guitar and even the cat has started protesting. I tell her that unless she becomes more complacent I will replace the steel strings with parts of her innards.

Missus Lime: I think a post on the ten stupid questions every Gaijin gets asked is a wonderful idea and I am trying to see if I can get something together that will give you out there a true feeling of what it's like here in the land of the rising sun.

I have got oodles of ideas for future posts, but nary a moment to spend getting them down on 'paper'. Once I am finished with season three and Link and Michael finally escape- again -then I will be back and giving blogland my undivided attention. Yeah, right.

Cheers!

Still Alive

2009-04-15T00:08:00.005+09:00

Just making it from day to day. I guess we all know about that.
All kinds of things goin' on.
I got a new semester of work that I am not fully prepared for and I have a whole lot of catching up to do.

I want to smile and sit still for more'n just a mnute or two, but the monkey on my back keeps scratchin'...

Don't forget to fart,

NYD.

Cash up front

2009-04-07T08:13:00.004+09:00

I miss out on a lot of blogger's posts nowadays because I have become lazy. Instead of using the dropdown list dohickey in my side bar I often go to many blogs via the dashboard and the list of blogs I follow.
Now I really wish that those of you who haven't added that silly little widget to your page do so immediately, so I can find out when you post and then be better able to leave some kind of inane comment.
Oficially or not, spring is here. I played my first round of golf yesterday and although there were still patches of snow to be seen and the fairway wasn't a lush green color, I still enjoyed walking through the rolling hills of my local country club. Chasing after a little white ball with the intention of smashing it further down the fairway gives me plenty of time to consider the world and my part in it.

I have been spending an inordinate amount of time trying to figure just why I do the things I do. My motivations for the actions I take are fuzzy at best and more often than not, confounding.
The reason that I have been worrying over these problems is that, starting today and for the next four weeks, I am going to be interwiewed on a weekly radio program to give insights into a foreigner's life here in Lilliput. The DJ, a good buddy of mine, is a pretty sharp guy, so I don't think that he'll be asking me about my favorite foods or if I like Japanese women. One day I will have to do a post about the ten or so stupid questions every Gaijin gets asked.
I also get to choose the music for the program and that will be good. I like the lyrics to many of Johnny Cash's songs, but "I walk the line" is one that seems to strike the deepest chord of late. It gets me to look a little bit closer at myself and hopefully gives me an opportunity to make sense of my constant confusion. I need music to keep my feet moving and my fingers snappin', but I also want tunes that make me stop in my tracks and reveal another side of human emotion and experience. I may not know what motivates me, but I do know that when I need some kind of stimulus, good music gets me goin better than just about anything.

How about you?

...You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine,
I walk the line

Head in the sand

2009-04-06T09:08:00.005+09:00

I often think that I am just a leeettle bit stupid.
I have to. I don't possess enough ego to allow me to believe that I know more than the entire world and all it's inhabitants.
Well, it's not really like that. What I'm tryin to say is, that if you reach the point where you feel that you just know more and can do more and have achieved more than the common shmoe sitting next to you and there is nothing left to learn- well you are dead!
I am getting tired of encountering people who know and understand everything better than I do, than everyone does.
It's tiresome and boooring.
I understand that, because I am a teacher, I feel the urge to impart knowledge to people, but if you really want to know the truth; I spend a lot more time listening to other folks espousing their ideas of the world rather than blabbering about my thoughts. It keeps me steady, balanced and in touch with the common folk.
Here on the net and especially in bloggovision it's nice to let your guard down and allow various ideas to slide into your thoughts and rattle around the old noggin for a couple of hours every now and again. It's just unfortunate to encounter the foolish know-it-alls who are more interested in their own popularity than any new or differentiating opinion. The same goes for my day to day encounters on the streets, pubs and cafes where I live.

The question, "Why do you Blog?" often comes up in roasts and memterviews and although I always read the answers, I never understand them.
Why do you Blog?
You could ask, why do you fart?
Or even better why do you fuck?
Getting your pipes cleaned is a basic human need. It doesn't matter which of the alimentary avenues it travels.
Getting my voice out, being heard receiving some kind of response to my day to day thoughts, allows me to continue with this ridiculous and occasionally tedious life that I lead.
Without the blog I would only be tiny and ineffectual. Thank god for the Internet!
I can share my most innermost thoughts with people I don't know, have never met and really don't care about. I can pretend to laugh at endeavors I wouldn't pay to see and concede importance to facts and issues I've never heard about before.

I would love to go on about the problems with the internet and blogs for at least another seven paragraphs and write some Haiku that Wouldn't be considered poetry by third year students in the worst of schools here, but I have to go shopping for some porn. Actually I am going to watch TV on the net and forget about all the hairy bullshit thats going on in the world.

Oh, by the way. North Korean missiles did not land on my head over the weekend , so I could publish this ridiculous post.

Close encounter of the strangest kind

2009-04-03T00:43:00.011+09:00

Even amongst the darkest of moments; fate can play her hand and provide you with a beacon of hope.

This sad lookin character is a pretty famous comedian here in Japan.
He showed up in Lilliput to do a TV special and I got a chance to do more than just meet him.

A couple of things have happened in the past few days to make me reconsider my attitude towards the dark funk that's been circling mt life.
The first was bumping into a real live funny person. His name is Nadagi Takeshi and I have seen him on TV more times tham I can count. He was doing some kind of street performance where he had to raise enough money to eat by doing impromptu comedic skits. Shortly after I arrived on the scene, he got stuck for ideas and was just standing there scratchin his head (literally)
trying to come up with something to do. That was when fate kicked me in the ass. I got on my bike and rode up to him while ringing my ridiculous little bell and making a whole heckuva lot of noise. I parodied one of his more popular skits and then for the next couple of minutes or so we just started joshing around in English and Japanese. Getting myself in front of people and makin them laugh wes just what I needed. I also got his autograph.
The following day a new teacher/ employee arrived at work and she also got me back on track and into my groove. New folks always need someone to show them the ropes and it was great to stop thinking about my miserable situation and start considering someone else's.
Not only is she charming she's got this cute little Holly Golightly English accent that just makes me want to go out and by a Rex Harrison Hat.
A sample of said Rex Harrison millinery.

Work is still overwhelming and life still knocks me around, but I have a good corner man and I am fairly certain I'll be able to make a good fight of it. I think for now it's time to take some of my own advice..

Take some time and look at the world around you- Amazing, isn't it?

The veiw from my school

One of the cameramen.

The previously mentioned autograph.

Fuck the Ides!

2009-04-01T09:50:00.002+09:00

Something funny this way comes...

Time to kick myself and throw caution to the wind. I had a great day yesterday and it really put a lot of my thoughts in the right place and brought everything into focus.

I'll tell you about it later

Gloster speaks for me

2009-03-29T21:47:00.003+09:00

Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious summer by this sun of York;
And all the clouds that lour'd upon our house
In the deep bosom of the ocean buried.
Now are our brows bound with victorious wreaths;
Our bruised arms hung up for monuments;
Our stern alarums chang'd to merry meetings,
Our dreadful marches to delightful measures.
Grim-visag'd war hath smooth'd his wrinkled front;
And now,--instead of mounting barbed steeds
To fright the souls of fearful adversaries,--
He capers nimbly in a lady's chamber
To the lascivious pleasing of a lute.
But I,--that am not shap'd for sportive tricks,
Nor made to court an amorous looking-glass;
I, that am rudely stamp'd, and want love's majesty
To strut before a wanton ambling nymph;
I, that am curtail'd of this fair proportion,
Cheated of feature by dissembling nature,
Deform'd, unfinish'd, sent before my time
Into this breathing world scarce half made up,
And that so lamely and unfashionable
That dogs bark at me as I halt by them;--
Why, I, in this weak piping time of peace,
Have no delight to pass away the time,
Unless to spy my shadow in the sun,
And descant on mine own deformity:
And therefore,--since I cannot prove a lover,
To entertain these fair well-spoken days,--
I am determined to prove a villain,
And hate the idle pleasures of these days.
Plots have I laid, inductions dangerous,
By drunken prophecies, libels, and dreams,
To set my brother Clarence and the king
In deadly hate the one against the other:
And if King Edward be as true and just
As I am subtle, false, and treacherous,
This day should Clarence closely be mew'd up,--
About a prophecy which says that G
Of Edward's heirs the murderer shall be.
Dive, thoughts, down to my soul:--here Clarence comes.

I am pretty certain that many did not take the time to read the entire opening soliloquy from Richard III. No problem. I didn't type out the whole darned thing either. I, for some strange reason, feel the need to reconnect with ol' Will theese days. In the past I have always been attracted to his comedies, but now it is Richard and Othello and other tragic characters who call out to me.

Unlike Shakespeare's Winter mine has remained and the rancor that built the walls in the first place have been supplemented by ingratitude and harsh judgement and the blocks cemented together by silence and indifference.

I find that it is good to get lost in words, either your own or those of others, when all your words, pleas and queries fall upon deaf ears. The hundreds of entries I have written in this and other places has been an escape. Unfortunately, no matter how often and how far I delve into books, I am never really very distant from reality.
I have been forced to question myself. Prodded by both my conscience and accusations.
The only problem with self examination is that you only come up with answers that your brain will allow and we all know that self opinion is not always reliable.
So I look toward my actions and wonder about the motivations behind them.
How does you know if you are "good"? And does it really matter?
How far do you have to go to remain true to a promise?
When is sefishness a positive trait and not a negative one?
How do I stop hurting those I care about and still find satisfaction and happiness?
Man o man I gotts start drinking again!
Where's that idiotic spork? I'm gonna stab something.

All you need are laughs

2009-03-24T23:47:00.005+09:00

I guess, like just about many other folks, I have had been thinking about politics, the economy, and a host of other problems that seem to be knocking on our door every week.
Well, I think it's high time we stop worrying about all the bullshit that is going on these days.
I mean it's kinda futile, isn't it?

When you expend energy thinking upon the stupidity of others it does at least two things to you. The first is that it makes you agitated and that can ruin your day by causing you to lose sight of all the good things surrounding you. The second is that it could make you stupid as well by bringing your mental faculties down to the level of sub-moronic.

See what I mean.

Why the hell I am holding the most ridiculous spork ever produced by man is a mystery even to me. One of the people I work with brought it in to amuse us and it was the highlight of the day.

At least it took my mind off the ass whipping Japan gave America in the World Classic Baseball Tournament.

Here is another example of someone who knows what to do in times of media exaggerated turmoil and strife. Kurt, over at OPE has recently sent me his bi-monthly zine. Actually he sent it to me a while ago judging by the postmarks on the innumerable amount of stamps covering the envelope, but it wasn't until last week Wednesday that I recieved it.

Response was overwhelming.

And universal.

It was this object of irreverent humour that finally struck the chord that has been missing in the symphony of my daily musings.

Laughter.

I reckon that maybe I have been taking life a little too seriously and it's time to just throw my hands in the air, after putting the spork down first, of course, and let my funy bone take me for a ride.

I might just be irresponsible. I might be avoiding reality. I might even be somewhat childish in my way of thinking. If I am well, so be it- adults don't have all that much fun anyway.

Take it easy all.

I'm off to watch some Marx Bros.

Hope you go do something similar and tell me all about it.

I've lost a button hole

2009-03-21T22:34:00.002+09:00

So, what do you do when you're stuck between seasons and can't find your way out of limbo?

Nonsense is my muse and a refuge for a sanity that I believe is not always on the correct side of the loony bin fence. What I'm tryin' ta say here, somewhere between the babble and the brilliance, is that after so many years of living in Lilliput I have often wondered if my mind ain't become more'n a little warped.

Nowadays, I wonder and fret about the future. I am sure that a lot of other folk are doing the same. Curiously, the Japanese have two words that represent 'future'. I have never looked them up in a dictionary but through years of usage I have come to think of one term as a personal future; a word that applies to the path chosen for oneself, and the other to be used for the collective whole.
I might have been born an American and raised with values that are typical of those born in the same lost generation-what else can you call a generation whose greatest cultural accomplishments were KC and the Sunshine band, the Pet Rock, Streaking and the Fabulous Furry Freak Bros. Yet I have been so thoroughly steeped in the Japanese way of life and their particular way of thinking for almost two decades that I have become 'tainted' like Kevin Costner in "Dances With Wolves". So when I think about the direction life seems to be heading in, I often have conflicting ideas about how much actual influence I have in steering it. I even wonder if nudging or pushing things to conform to a specific idea is the right way of doing things at all.

Some people believe that there is a greater strength in letting the natural flow of life move you from destination to destination and others think that you can't meander. Rigid control and discipline is necessary to avoid pitfalls and procure happiness.

The encroaching malaise and ennui threaten to rend any hope of any kind of stable and prosperous future. Is it better to allow those companies that are dying, to die a natural death or are we to continue pumping resources into them like a doctor keeping patients alive on life support in hopes to restore them to consciousness. Do we want to return to the status quo of life before bailouts?

What do you think we ought to do?

Occidentally Accidental

2009-03-17T23:35:00.001+09:00

The international date line penalizes me when I choose to write about holidays here on my blog.
By the time you read this the bacchanalian festivities will have ceased and the dipsomaniacs who, for one single rotation of planet Earth are allowed to let loose, howl and celebrate with great intensity of licentious behavior. They will be discovered passed out in alleyways, bars, jail cells and for the lucky, beds that aren't their own.

Actually I'm not going to write about St. Patrick's day. Others have done so with far more flavor and flair than I ever could. I was thinking about our, mine and Pat's; that is, similarities. Then I realized there were none and I had nothing left to talk about. I have already done a St. Paddy's post many moons ago and my redundancy alarm goes off every time a holiday comes along.

Hard as this will be to believe, I will be sober this St. Patrick's day and that's no blarney. I realize that sobriety on this auspicious occasion is considered uncivilized and borderline illegal, but I have been on the wagon since the end of last month and what had started out as a little R&R has become a full out vacation. So since there will be no Guinness for me this time around I guess I ought to stay at home and admire my new socks.

Fence sitting.

2009-03-09T14:04:00.005+09:00

"Between a high, solid wall and an egg that breaks against it, I will always stand on the side of the egg."
Yes, no matter how right the wall may be, how wrong the egg, I will stand with the egg.
Someone else will have to decide what is right and what is wrong; perhaps time or history will do it. But if there
were a novelist who, for whatever reason, wrote works standing with the wall, of what value would such works be?"

Have you had your morning coffee yet? I hope so....

Those words are an excerpt of a speech from one of my favorite authors upon accepting the Jerusalem Prize, an award for literary excellence.

It must have been difficult to stand in front of Nobel Peace Prize-winning President Shimon Peres and Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat and say what he had to say about the recent conflict between Israel and the Palestinians who occupy the west bank.

The metaphor of egg and wall is one we can apply to many situations and for me it states simply that individual life and spirit must never be crushed by the unfeeling wheels and gears of governments and large corporations.

But what of the burden incurred by the egg?
Although we do not ask for it we are all born into this world bound to our particular culture with an obligation to live with consideration and courtesy and to eradicate any unfairness and discrimination that infects society. Yet when deadly violence is used to force ones views of propriety upon the populace or coerce others it is wrong. It is wrong for the individual as it is wrong for the state. This we already know. We have all known it since childhood when we were told to share our toys and not fight over them, so why do we insist on ignoring the rules that worked for us so well in kindergarten. If you believe that I am oversimplifying things and that the dynamics of international trade and politics is much more complex, then you haven't truly watched children at play.
Their world is a microcosm of the global situation. It might be more factual to say that theirs are the roots from which our garden grows.

No I am not a communist, socialist, liberal or a hippie who smells of patchouli spreading the word of love and peace from my VW micro bus. I am just a misplaced man wondering why the world is caught up in a self destructive spiral. We really need to put things into their proper perspective. There are some who are boo hoo hooing about the economy and how they can't afford the things they used to.
If you have a home, you're OK.
If you have a job, you're OK.
If you have clean water to drink, you're OK.
If you have safe food to eat, you're OK.
If you are reading this then you're OK.

What I cannot fathom is the things people will do to make money and the things people spend money on. Where is the justification in selling arms to countries and people who we are absolutely certain that they will be using them in a malicious way? America is the greatest manufacturer and exporter of military weponry in the world today.
Many of the countries that purchase or develop weapons would be better off spending that money to feed and educate their own people instead of worrying about racial cleansing or saber rattling with their neighbors

How can we voluntarily purchase drugs (I support the homegrown movement if there is one.)that do nothing but make us stupid and support the efforts of those who would like nothing more than for you to be complacent and ignorant.

Why is there support for industrial practices that pollute and poison us or abuse and sometimes maim and kill laborers; often children. I am not suggesting that we should all start riding bicycles, wearing hemp clothes and go hunting with bows and arrows for our food.
The main problem, as I see it, is with our present global economy and the structure on which it is based. The free market system is geared towards accumulating personal wealth with very little concern for the development or benefit to society as a whole. This allows, even with government controls and legislation, the greedy and unscrupulous to extort and influence the market in an attempt to increase their power base and wealth.

There will always be walls for eggs to break upon.
As long as the individual does nothing but think and act sefishly there will be no end to the strenghtening and propagation of the walls that surround us.
Be most wary of those who profess to have your best interests at heart when they only seek to fatten their own coffers for they will be the first to lob eggs at the walls and sacrifice our progeny on the altar of avarice.

Ringling-a-Ding Bros. Sisters.

2009-03-07T21:35:00.002+09:00

House guests.
I don't know what your experience with them has been, but I tend to liken them to a nice sunny day: sometimes they warm up the room just by being around and sometimes things turn cheery and bright when they leave. There is a third type of guest that turns day into night and makes everything a circus and that, my lovely readers, is exactly the type of creature who has been staying with me.

Pictured above is my wife's cat. I say my "my wife's" because the feline is retarded and I want nothing to do with her. Kinda like a sugar cookie: sweet, but without any nutritional value.

And here she is again only this time she is posing with her partner in crime sitting pompously in the background. From this particular photograph you might just be saying to yourself: "Well, they don't look so bad." You might even go so far as to think : "To tell the truth, these two kitties look quite harmless and very adorable."

That's exactly what cats want you to think. Look closely at the picture. Study the subtle expressions on their faces and the glint of mischievous evil in their eyes. It's there if you really look!

What the picture doesn't show you is the sound of eight, go ahead-count 'em, eight thundering paws as they leap and dash and crash along wooden flooring and furniture overturning food and water bowls as they 'rassle and frolic. No the photograph does not express the heart wrenching-wake you up at five-inthegodforsakingmorning-thirty feeling!

I have labeled the beasts SK I & SK II. That stands for: Stupid Kitteh 1 (the wife's) and 2 (our friend's). Today, if God happens to look down from his station and decides to grace me with some semblance of peace, SK II will return home. All I can say is that I better get a really nice souvenir for my troubles.

I know that SK I will miss the furry friend and I am pretty sure that the wife will too. Thankfully there is ice cream in the freezer to salve her sadness and some catnip in the cupboard for the idiot.

Me? Well, I just can't wait till our friends go on vacation again.

Thirty three and a third

2009-03-01T13:08:00.003+09:00

My, my, my. How time does fly when you're doin mostly nothing but work and watching mindless TV. I can't believe it's been more than ten days since I last entertained you all with the inanity of my life in Japan. Now that my Memeterview with Lime is over I have to rely on my own devices and imagination, so in the immortal words of Jackie Gleason, AKA Ralph Kramden the Gotham city bus driver... "And awaaay we go!"

Goood! You decided to push the magic button and read the rest of this post. I thank you for your sense of adventure. There aren't many people who would do what you have done. Go ahead, put a gold star somewhere on your computer. You deserve it.

There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about why the world is so darned wacky.
It's possible that you do too.
Recently, well maybe not so recently, I have noticed that I am from a different time of thinking. I'm not saying that I am out of date, I just think about time differently.
I seem to run on a different speed than other folks. Yeah, I use a computer and digital playware, but my roots are founded in vinyl when it comes to music, glass when it comes to Coke bottles and Scrabble when it comes to playing games. That makes me a bit anachronistic and thoroughly recidivist for I am unrepentant. I do not want to change anything that still keeps my boat afloat especially when the craft is sound.

Even though there have been many wondrous technological advancements that have occurred in my lifetime I really do believe that we have lost the ability to slow down and move at, what I consider to be, a reasonable pace. Everywhere I go and most of the people I see have very little free time and instead of trying to appreciate one thing in particular, they scramble and strain to get everything done at the same time-and are perplexed when it all becomes a mess.

Living in what must be one of the most time conscious countries in the world makes matters even worse. I have seen people so obsessed with time that they are completely ruled by the nefarious wristwatch. I haven't worn a watch, except for use as sartorial accoutrement. in over 25 years. Ialso almost never use an alarm clock. I loath them.

I reckon it would be kinda cool to roam the earth like Kwai Chang Caine. After all I already have the haircut. The idea of doing good without realizing it, only taking up as much space as the width of my body demanded and learning more about myself with each and every adventure is alluring. That would be awesome, but these days I might just want to be more like Jules Winnfield. I wonder where I could get ahold of them sideburns.

I guess I am just itching for the warm weather to arrive. It's tough trying to get out of the house when the world is frozen and forbidding.

What are you jonesing for these days?

Blonde Dyke Bars

2009-02-15T22:12:00.005+09:00

Here I am again, trying to live up to my my mentor by doing my best to stretch out this Memterview for as long as I can and milk it for as many comments as you folks are willing to give. The title of today's post is intended to produce more hits from perverted Google surfers and of course, blonde dykes. You can never have enough blonde dykes in your life.

This is question number 5. What would you do for a Klondike bar?
Are you kidding me, lime? Why didn't you just ask me to do your laundry for a week?
I would have gladly been your domestic ~~slave~~ servant than have to answer this query.Well, now I know what this idiot would do and Hell yeah, I would too for a cool $100,000!

I don't know what I would do for a Klondike bar, but I definitely got knowledge of what I would do in a Klondike bar. Before I actually enter said bar I would have to head on over to Lumberjack -N- Oil rigger Outfitters and get myself the appropriate duds. Then a quick hop over to Grizzley's Aromarama for a thorough saturation in bear musk, machine oil, sweat and essence of uncleaned outhouse. The way to spot a tenderfoot is by his unnatural cleanliness and the lingering sweet smell of Dove soap. Once I have ingratiated myself with the locals by drinking the local lemonade and line dancing, I would begin my search for Mrs Right-now.
Through the smoke filled room amongst the hardy weather worn workmen and fur trappers I would spot her, sitting at a corner table with her back to the wall dealing straight poker to Eskimos and opening beer bottles with her teeth. I would casually walk up to her and ask her for a cigarette then lighted a match on the three day old peach bristle that graced her bovine upper lip. Before her anger could rise I offer her a rohypitini AKA Panty remover, my favorite cocktail. We spent the rest of the evening reminiscing about folks we had never met and discussed the future of walrus ranching-coo coo ka choo!

When I finally get my little snow bunny back to her igloo we spend hour after hour watching the perpetual sunset. As the frosted feelings of romance flare and the hot embers of lust start to melt the walls around us I am givin enough lovin for four lifetimes!

The best thing about going into a Klondike bar is leaving with some Eskimo Pie!

Another Brick in The Wal-mart.

2009-02-08T22:11:00.014+09:00

In "Lost in Translation", What did Bill Murray whisper in Scarlett Johansen's ear?

Before I actually answer this question there are a few things that need to be addressed and since I am not the type of person who shirks responsibility lightly, (You can blame my parents for that, good people. I was raised by a Jew and a Sicilian, so guilt and shame were the foundations of my upbringing.) I need to thank all of you who continue to visit even when I do not reciprocate. That will be changing in the weeks to come now that Prozac is legal here in Lilliput.
I also want to thank Lime for not only providing me with an enormous ego boost, but also with a new pair of socks. The old pair are getting kinda thin at the heels. I only hope she realizes that I have size thirteen feet annnnd that the postage to send them to Japan will cost roughly the same as a meal for a starving family of four in Somalia or Angola or maybe Detroit.

Now lets get back to Japan or more importantly to Mr. Bill Murray and the whisper. There are so many things I like about Bill, I will refer to him on a first name basis from now on, that I would like to forget about this movie altogether and gather a group of emotionally retarded cohorts together to have a toga party to give thanks to John Belushi for if I didn't find him so damned hilarious on SNL, I never would have discovered ol' Billy boy- yes, I understand the diminutive is pushing things a bit here, but what the heck, it's my blog. You don't have to speak Japanese or live in Japan to understand what Bob Harris Whispered. That's because he was whispering in English. Yet If we take a good look at many of the films that Bill has starred in I am willing to bet it was something inane and quite possibly connected to either rodents, drugs or getting slimed.
Truth be told, Bill Murray is a fine actor, capable of serious, thought provoking roles as well as the side splitting characters that have made him famous. Now There is one film, one tale, that has gone unnoticed by many of Bill's fans: "The Razors Edge".
The movie was panned by critics when it was released in 1984. This happens to many comedic actors who try to break from what the public expects of them. I have always thought this particular film to be quite possibly the most underrated movie of all time. So much so that; I would rather hear what Larry Darrell would have whispered to Sophie if he had the chance.

"I thought Sophie was my reward for leading a good life. But you know what?
There is no reward for leading a good life."

The House of the Rising Sun

2009-02-05T16:54:00.007+09:00

Here is my response to the second of five questions asked by Lime. They really are tough ones so I don't want to just peel off a frivolous answer just to fulfil my Memterview obligations.
This is the second question: What part of life in Japan do you love most? What part of life in the USA do you miss most?

As many of you have noticed, I am a little long winded and have a tendency to overcomplicate things that ordinary people handle in a straightforward manner. The question looks simple yet it offers myriad avenues for me to choose from. Shall I discuss the sights and sounds of my adopted home or shall I espouse upon the changes Japan has had upon me or will I be more pragmatic and tell you about the simple life I lead. It's not so easy.
What do you think of when you envision Japan? Is it a high-tech wonderland of neon, flashy gizmos and steaming bowls of noodles or do you see Geisha walking down lantern lighted lanes with Samurai at their sides. Is it a world of Judo and fast cars; of international business cartels and an incomprehensible sense of politeness and honor? It's all that and more. I like this place for all the good things, the silly things, the puzzling and outrageously frustrating things, but I like it most for all it has shown me about myself. In order to live here I had to tear down the walls of prejudice and ignorance and learn to learn again. I created a new and deeper value system for myself that had nothing to do with my own personal achievement, but rather on the effect I had on the world and folks around me. I had to realize that there are many ways to achieve the same objective and no two countries or people go about it in the same way. Yes I knew these things in my head and with my intellect, but feeling them in your bones is quite a different thing. I love the life I live because I have to work so damn hard to get it. In America things would have been a lot easier for me and I might not have valued it as much.

Plus the women are so damn HOT here!!!
A gift for Grant

The country, and especially the city of my birth is still the sweetest place I can imagine and there are times when I come back I feel that maybe "This time I'll stay for good", but I don't.
Before I tell you about the thing I miss most I would like to mention the one thing that I don't miss at all: Americans have a horrible habit of passionately stating their opinions as if they were cold hard facts. Now the irony of saying this is not lost on me. I am an American who has always said what he believes and I love this country even at times when it doesn't act in the most responsible and honorable way.
As far as countries go we' re special; ours is a land that is based on principles and ideas that before our forefathers applied them, they only existed as abstract ideas and ideals. Then again let's not forget that were still pretty new at this, two hundred thirty some odd years is not a whole helluva lot of time when you compare us to other nations. There are festivals here in Japan that are older than that.
So, what is it exactly that I miss about the USA?
I'll have to supply two answers to that query: 1. My family and 2. The food!
My god do I miss the glorious food of home. I can circle the globe just by walking into the multitude of restaurants that serve us gastronomical delicacies. In New York alone I can enjoy Cinco de Mayo in a Tapas bar or lift a stein of lager in a gasthaus during Oktoberfest, enjoy a funnel cake at a street fair and even celebrate San Gennaro with an eppie roll and plenty of wine.
The feasting and cornucopia of the United States is unmatched by any other country. Forget the fast food restaurants, it's only called fast food 'cause it speeds you on your way to the grave, take a road trip through the amazing, if not always gourmet fare that feeds the nation. The chillis of the southwest and fresh apple pie in Washington. Cheddar cheese in Wisconsin and Pralines in New Orleans don't forget to include a dirty water dog on the Coney island boardwalk.
Don't live to eat. Eat to live and live well. You have the best of everything, America. Majestic mountains. Thundering rivers. Cities that hold some of the most beautiful architecture and an amazing panoply of people from all over the world. You have it all, but I miss your food the most.

The end of the all that's good with blue cheese dressing on the side.

2009-01-30T22:11:00.012+09:00

There has been a request to suspend the answering of the interview questions in their assigned order and to jump forward to a specific question and reply to that before I post my replies to the others. That puts a slight kink in things for I was all ready to post my answer question #2
Oh well, that will give all that much more time to fool around during the week to come.
Here is the question: An evil mastermind is going to destroy the world unless you can stop ~~him~~ her. You are armed with a spoon, a rubber chicken, a can of Aquanet, and a bucket of peanuts. What is your plan?

Here is my impromptu, shoot from the hip, response in the form of some frivolous pulp fiction.

It was eighteen years ago to the day. I remember it clearly, who wouldn't. After all, I had saved the world. You say preposterous? You've never heard of this before? Well just sit back, refill your glass and let me fill you in on all the inane details.
It's not under the purview of the general public to be privy to the classified double top secret information of an evil mastermind society that attempts to destroy the world once every four years somewhat like the Olympics or a presidential election, but without the medals, the sweat and the pomp of the opening ceremony.
Most often the hero perishes in his defence of the world. I didn't. This is the how and the why.
The odd. The follicley challenged. The neurotic and those with a penchant for peanuts are not often received as saviors of the earth, but that is exactly what happened.
I was workin a Sunday afternoon shift in the bar and things were quiet. I was passing the time by nibbling on peanuts and making silly faces while studying my reflection on the backside of a spoon. It was at the moment when all is almost quiet. The jukebox was between songs and only the subtle whir of the overhead fan could be heard. when the eerie silence was shattered by trouble pushing through the swinging door. She was tall. She was exotic. She wore a trench coat. I thought to myself; "of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine" (Sorry Bogie). I quickly slipped the spoon into my back pocket, replaced the lid on the ginormous bucket of salty nuts and proceeded to look busy by polishing a glass that needed no polishing.
The woman sauntered up to the bar and ordered a Pellegrino. I served her a whiskey, neat. She knocked it back and asked for another, a double and I knew I was in trouble. If she was the evil genius then this time around the world was in trouble. I didn't want to destroy her- I wanted to join her. The forces of evil had chosen well.
I had to find a way to prevent her from transferring the vital final information to her minions. I had to think fast. I remembered that the bartender from previous night had left a can of hairspray the infamous brand called Aquanet on a shelf in the locker room. This gave me an idea. I filled the she devil's glass once again and lifting the bucket of nuts I told her I needed to refill the bucket for the evenings festivities.
Making my way into the back I kept up a steady stream of patter while at the same moment I whipped out the spoon from my back pocket and punctured the can of hairspray with the back end of it. I then jammed the can of Aquanet into the bucket of salty, thirst inducing goober beans.
Returning to the bar, I challenged my nemesis to a game of chance. For every peanut she caught I would pay her the price of a drink or pour her one. Being an egomaniac destroyer of worlds who looked at the rest of us as nothing more than insects, she could hardly refuse my offer. I made the first few fairly easy to bolster her feelings of superiority, but then I started to make things more and more difficult by firing the hairspray covered peanuts from my spoon in rapid succession into her inviting mouth. After a few minutes of this she was way up on the count. Her ego wouldn't let her believe that a simple bartender could be tricking her. In a short time the hair spray had done it's job. She was unable to either swallow the nuts I had fired into her mouth nor could she expectorate for the glue that has held up the hairdos of millions of American women throughout three decades of beehive bouffants and Farrah Fawcett look alike styling would not allow any movement from her molars. My timing could not have been more perfect for just as the enamel was setting; her contact was coming throughout the door. As he ordered a bottle of Amstel Light I reached under the counter and pulled out the lead filled rubber chicken that was kept there for comedy self defense. I just happened to be teaching a class at the local university for nerds who needed protection and had reason to carry the innocuous object. Holding the bottle of beer in one hand I swung the chicken through the air not once, but twice! On the first stroke I laid out the contact. The second felled the girl. I carried her to the back room and alerted the agency. They arrived and took the man away. The world was saved with one stroke of my chicken (cough). As for the girl? Well let's just say she woke up next to a bartender and had a mouthful of nuts to chew on.

A spoon, a rubber chicken, a can of Aquanet, and a bucket of peanuts. is all you need to save the world and find a girl.

Enquiring minds want to know.

2009-01-22T23:20:00.012+09:00

For those of you who just can't get through the checkout line in the supermarket without buying or at the very least glossing through the latest gossip rag I have succumbed to the recent Memeterview that has been meandering from blog to blog. How could I not? When someone as insightful, zany and fun as Lime makes an offer to interview you; it's just as if Brando had made it. And awwaaaaaay we go...

1. What took you to Japan and what has kept you there?

Well, I guess I can tell the truth since the statute of limitations has run out...Just joking.
In all honesty I just got sick and tired of all the bullshit that constantly surrounds you in New York, yet there is one event that added one, if not the final, proverbial straw.
Before I left the city I was a bartender/ night manager of the Border Cafe. A Tex-Mex restaurant on Broadway and 105 st. in Manhattan. It was a nasty place to work. The owner was always dodging one supplier or another to avoid paying his bills. The staff, all really good people, would always be a little nervous around Friday cuz we weren't sure we were getting paid. I busted my ass in that place and turned it from a dog tired restaurant filled with cheap- skate losers into a real hopping bar with live music every week, happy hour and a football pool. Any girl who came in and donated a bra she had was wearing at the time drank for free. (Gimme a break. I was 25 fer chrissake.) We tacked up the bras and some baseball hats that were donated by some customers above the bar and made the place look fun.
The thing put an end to the party and caused me to finally throw in the towel was the Owner's girlfriend. She worked behind the bar two or three times a week, but was completely useless. Mr. Boss man would sit at the end of the bar and they would incessantly bicker about everything, and I mean everything! One night, after a heated argument, she walked off in a huff and when she came back a couple of hours later I told her to fuck off. I said I didn't need a bitch who shafts me by leaving me stranded on a Friday night. I think I called her a fat bitch and it really ticked her off. At the time I didn't give two shits.
I had been dealing with all kinds of scumbags. I'd had knives pulled on me. I was forced to cajole competing coke dealers into putting their pieces in brown paper bags which I kept under the bar while they were drinking or I wouldn't serve them. I had to be a bouncer as well 'cuz the boss was too cheap to hire a doorman. I hated that. It was the most distasteful part of the business. Then there were usual fuckers who would try to skip out on a bill or stiff you on a huge tab.
So I called her a bitch and I lost my job- I lost my patience as well.

Two months later I was in Japan!

Now the fact that in eighteen years I have only seen a handful of fights, and I can count the ones I have been involved in on one hand, is reason enough to stay in this place, but aside from that; it is the constant puzzlement I receive from an adventure in a place so diametrically opposed to the city of my birth. Just click on anything in my archives to see what I mean.

I'll tackle the next question in a few days time.

Stretch and a yawn.

2009-01-22T08:49:00.004+09:00

Like most everyone; I like to use the new year to take stock of my life and assess the the various paths available to me in the days, weeks and months ahead. I'd like to say that is what I have been doing for the past three weeks but the truth is I have just been goofing off and watching a whole lot of tv and movies on my new computer and if anyone knows of any good sites that provide links to free movies and tv, that info will be much appreciated.

I am not amazed at the unbelievable hoopla that surrounded the inauguration of the president. I also find it difficult to say anything negative about the new regime without sounding like a party pooper. All recent world events and the inevitable debate and discussion of them has left me somewhat exhausted and frustrade at my inability to stay detached, logical and articulate about my thoughts and opinions. That is precisely why I spent most of my time watching HEROES and Scrubs, the 4400, Gran Torino, the Clone Wars and a slew of others. Are you still a couch potato if you are lolling around in a swivel chair instead of the family sofa?

I listened very carefully to what President Obama said in his inagural speech. His eloquence and timing is a wonderful break from the tedium and inanity of the past He was quite adept at admonishing the previous administration as well as the people and corporations of America without creating embarassement and showed true leadership with a calm and resolute demeanor. Yet I wonder if he has a plan to return a sense of civic duty to the republic. His massive plan of government intervention, economic, educational and ecological reform does not seem to contain provisions for the simple idea that you cannot continue to, pardon the expression, shit in your own backyard.
If America is expecting the government to make their businesses profitable; neighborhoods secure and drug free; schools safe and surrounded in an aura of education instead a miasma of confusion, if we believe that it will be the govt. that maintains the purity of our air and the protection of our wildlife lands and resources then we are surely setting ourselves up for a very large dissapointment.
Many Americans that I talk to often refer to their 'rights'. The right to bear arms and the right to arm bears. The right to effective, low cost medical care, safe drinking water and a good 10 cent cigar. While many talk of rights few words are spent on responsibility. I am not referring to finger pointing and the assignment of blame for all of your woes and sorrows. It was nice to hear the new president state:

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the
faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It
is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of
workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which
sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a
stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child,
that finally decides our fate.
Our challenges may be new. The instruments
with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success
depends -- hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and
curiosity, loyalty and patriotism -- these things are old. These things are
true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is
demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new
era of responsibility -- a recognition, on the part of every American, that we
have duties to ourselves, our nation and the world; duties that we do not
grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is
nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving
our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

The world is watching and waiting. I sure hope he's not all talk.

Take Five

2009-01-04T15:53:00.002+09:00

There is a whole lot of things I need to do, so for a short time or long I'll have to put blogging on the back burner.

Stay cheerful.

Once more around the block, driver

2008-12-31T18:55:00.002+09:00

Cheers to all from NYD, Crispy and Curlicue!

Eclectic and Electric

2008-12-30T20:56:00.009+09:00

Today I bought my first electric guitar! I am happier than a pig in sheeeeeett!

I have already tried some Bob Marley and Tom Petty on it and all I can say is WOW!

Acoustic is really cool, but gettin sparky adds a whole new dimension to the music.

I don't know where I heard it, but someone told me to "invest in yourself. It's the only thing that pays a lasting dividend." I am very glad I decided to spend a few bucks on myself. I haven't smiled so much since... Well, since I last smiled this much! My cheeks hurt!!

Life Rocks.

Me being me, NYD.

2008-12-30T09:32:00.003+09:00

First, I have to thank K-9!
I know the thanks is a little late, but I just wanted you to know just how much your CD cover and words meant to me.

"When I visualize your world I always see the blade runner world.I figure you're
out eating noodles in the rain lit by neon. No? A Shinto temple in the snow? A
zen garden in an oasis of green within a bustling city? Well they all work for
me. Merry Christmas friend!! "

Of course I am way more rugged and handsome than Harrison Ford. I just wish I had picked a better picture of myself to post that week.

I find it strange that someone so far away can see the best side of my world; almost as I see it. How is it that this strange medium for expression and communication allows folks who have never met to really learn about each other through the words and pictures they post.

Even when we use pseudonyms we are revealing more about ourselves than we realize. We share our triumphs over sickness and our disgust of injustice. We let others know just how beautiful life can be through words and art. We reveal our special hideaways, places where solitude gives us the energy to move forward again. Our jokes and wit not only provide much needed laughter; they also give us insight into how silly the serious can be. All of the memes, pic-posts and poetry give us a chance to reveal how we envision the world around us. I like that 'cause it gives me a chance to see just how oddly connected our worlds are.

If I count all the blogs I run; dormant, dead and ticking. I have posted more than six hundred and fifty bits and pieces of myself. I can't wait to see what you guys put out on your blogs in 2009.
Once again, Rotty, baby. Thanks!
Have a happy ~~New~~ Moo Year!!!!

I really was tempted..

2008-12-29T23:49:00.002+09:00

to do the obvious, but I didn't want to abuse Georgia O'Keefe's labial renditions.

Type your summary here

Type rest of the post here

Winter, huh. Well...

2008-12-27T15:04:00.005+09:00

It's white. It's cold. It's pretty and it's a great big pain in the ass!
I don't like drivin in it, but it makes for a romantic evening when we get to where we're goin.
I can't help goin out in it to take photos, but it's so damned cold here that the snot freezes in my nostrils.
Shoveling it is a great work out until I throw out my back.
Makin the yearly snow man is cool until the next door neibor's kid hits me with a snow ball
Winter has settled in like a couch potato with the remote.
It's not goin anywhere soon..
Neither am I

Gotta see a man about a dog.

2008-12-26T05:16:00.000+09:00

In lieu of...

And now a word from our sponsor...

2008-12-25T10:18:00.002+09:00

Stompy Holidays!

Sheeeeet! There's a great big world out here.

2008-12-22T22:33:00.004+09:00

Look, I got to get this outta my head and be rid of it once and for all, so if you have lost your sense of humor or never had one in the first place then this is a good time to go visit a friend, psychologist or support group member.

I don't live in America.
For thousands of Blogger folks who don't either, this is an important point.
How many times must we be inundated with the American point of view only to be told that it was the only truth out there?
Truth is elusive. Nobody has been able to nail it down and describe it to me. Many have said they know it, yet it remains capricious for at another time and in a different circumstance one will be able to witness the fickleness it displays.

Right now President-Elect Barak Obama is the golden child of the press and for much of the American public. I find this somewhat disturbing because even though Sen. Obama soundly defeated Sen. McCain in electoral votes, he only garnered 53% of the popular vote, hardly the landslide victory the press would have us believe- seeing how he ran against an unpopular party, a doddering candidate whose foreign policy smacked of dangerous cold war ideologies and a running mate... well, I'll leave Sarah Palin out of this.

This is NOT sour grapes here, folks.
I like the fact that Barak Obama will be the Next president of the United States, but is it fair to call him the "Man of the Year" Winning an election is not a justified accomplishment. A presidential campaign is not won by a single warrior. Look up the word campaign. This election, like all of it's predecessors was won due to a combined effort of thousands of individuals.

Shall we determine this award by race? Has PEBO been awarded the title because of his ethnicity? That would be insulting to any intelligent human and, I believe, Barak Obama as well.
It is quite possible that even if the president-elect has demolished a racial barrier, he does not want to be known as a "black" president. Many people (not necessarily Americans) were hoping TIME would select someone that has actually contributed to society, world society instead of tossing it's integrity out the window in exchange for the ability to cash in on the entire farce. The list of potential candidates is not limited to Americans. Ought we appoint Michelle Obama Woman of the Year for becoming the First Lady? She too overcame considerable difficulties on the road to the white house.
Despite the premature actions of TIME, I do hope Obama graces the magazine's cover next year for exceptional leadership and statesmanship in these perilous times.
I also believe that Obama will do his very best to steer the great ship, America, on a true course, but to award him a title for something he has not yet accomplished is quite the same as putting the cart before the horse.

You have got to be kidding!

2008-12-19T00:17:00.003+09:00

Can anybody explain to me how President-elect Obama became Time's Man of the year?

He hasn't done a fucking thing yet!
Get ready for more bread and circuses, America!

Things I wish I said,...

2008-12-16T23:59:00.001+09:00

I wasted many, many hours this weekend waiting on the whim of a woman, my wife.
Now if this were an episode of Sex and the City she would have gotten together with her friends and told them at dinner over a plate of ravioli, which I just happened to make for tonight's repast, how wonderful I was (I am, you know). Then she would have called me up, invited to her apartment and treated me to some amazingly acrobatic sex.

If this were an episode of the Sopranos I would have been getting laid two days ago at the Bada Bing then my buddies and I would have made a major score and spent the weekend gambling in Atlantic city where we took our winnings and spent them on bitches and blow.

Life is nothing like an HBO drama.

Smarter, funnier people have put it better than I could ever have. I defer to them...

"When a woman becomes a scholar there is usually something wrong with her sexual organs."
Friedrich Nietzsche

"As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied."
Oscar Wilde

"Direct thought is not an attribute of feminity. In this, women are now centuries behind man."
Thomas Edison

"Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote."
Grover Cleveland, Former US President (1905)
"Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilt and I'll show you a man."
Erica Jong

"Nature intended women to be our slaves. They are our property."
Napolean Bonaparte

"Women are nothing but machines for producing children."
Napolean Bonaparte

"An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her."
Agatha Christie

"Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no-one likes to have to keep one."
WC Fields

"My wife is the sort of woman who gives necrophillia a bad name."
Patrick Murray

"Women should be obscene and not heard."
Groucho Marx

"Women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking."
Rupert Hughes
"Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing." Sean Williamson
"Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, 'Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, genitals, current account, confidence, razor blades, and good standing among your friends'."
Jeffrey Bernard

"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."
Groucho Marx

"Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another."
HL Mencken

"When I have one foot in the grave, I will tell the whole truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me and say, 'Do what you like now'."
Leo Tolstoy

"Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel."
Leonardo Di Vinci

"I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house."
Lewis Grizzard

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray

"The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men."
Aristotle

"I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife."
Tony Curtis

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henry Youngman

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then it was too late."
Max Kaufman
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
Oscar Wilde

"Dammit sir, it's your duty to get married. You can't be always living for pleasure."
Oscar Wilde

"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
George Burns

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."
Groucho Marx

"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."
Sacha Guitry

"The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead."
Ann Landers

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher."
Socrates

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."
Jimmy Durante

"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet."
Mae West

"It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't."
Spike Milligan

"Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage."
Ambrose Bierce

Ladies feel free to post a rebuttal in the comments section.

First amendment rules!

2008-12-16T00:01:00.000+09:00

What is half of twelve?

2008-12-15T08:18:00.007+09:00

"ish"&"ness" &"kinda"

2008-12-14T10:47:00.006+09:00

It's happening again.
It started about three days ago. Well, it might not have actually begun then, but that's when I first realized something was going on. The sound of my motorcycle engine was somewhat hollow. No that's not quite right. It wasn't just the sound. It was also the feel of the machine; the way it handled. My initial reaction was to blame it on the frostiness of the winter morning air and a little too much to drink the night before. Later on, after a miserable lecture where I was certain that every student was either half asleep or thoroughly confused, I found myself, coffee cup in hand, in front of my computer when the full force of the realization hit me. The shadow days had returned.
Like Robin Williams in Deconstructing Harry I had become fuzzy or somehow not altogether there. The kind of person who casts a faded shadow.
I wonder if you have experienced or can possible imagine what I am talking about?
The air around you is thin yet when you walk through it it covers and smothers like an old, scratchy wool blanket. The cup of coffee in my hand had the acrid flavor and bitterness yet was missing the aroma that makes a Cuban breakfast so appealing.The bristles on my toothbrush have lost their resiliency because they are eradicating plaque on a different existential plane.
I can't explain the way it feels to be standing in a room with other people and to not be able to smell them, feel their presence or hear their words. Voices now have that distant tinny sound like a radio with a damaged speaker.
There is no other way to describe it other than to say that I feel as if I am only half here. So I have to wonder, where is the other half? How did it steal the vibrancy of colors and the tartness of the apple. How do I entice it to return and stay? Tom Robbins once asked a similar question and his answer was to tempt the damned thing with Juniors cheesecake. I am no where near Brooklyn so I am in a bit of a fix.
Time to go for a walk.

Looks like another lump of coal again

2008-12-10T08:38:00.010+09:00

As Christmas makes it way toward us and people begin to feel the holiday spirit I believe that it's truly important to re-evaluate our lives to discover that, which not only provides us with intense satisfaction, but also makes the world a much, much better place

Babes, Booze, Cash and Partying!

This holiday season forget the charitable feeling and have yourself a good 'ol time.
Go out and score yourself some dope, stock up on booze plenty of booze.
The party ends when the juice stops flowing!

Don't forget to invite the boring, rich uncle to finance the whole thing. Besides you can always use him for an ice run and to help you with the inevitable day-after clean-a-thon .
Don't waste that hard earned, devalued cash on someone else. Treat yourself selfishly this year.
If you really feel the need to have the Christmas spirit around you this holiday season.
You don't have to invite Santa. Not unless he's bringing a better bag of toys to play around with
I want my year end party to turn out this way. Hey! isn't that Mr.T in the background?

What's on your Christmas list?

Mute Monday R

2008-12-08T09:08:00.009+09:00

I'm thinking of music. All of today's photos (except for the last one) are representations or hints to song titles that begin with the letter R. See how many you know or can figure out. One of them is a gimme. You can attribute at least three songs to the image.

This last one is for Grant.
It's always a good idea to include a gratuitous nude in your posts.
Even if it has very little to do with the theme of the moment

Sad Sack

2008-12-05T08:56:00.000+09:00

I know a guy who goes out every year and picks up something new to tweak his snowboard set up. It might be something as small as a new stomp pad or moderately priced like new goggles or major such as a brand new Burton deck. The newness gives him a feeling of confidence that just isn't justified by his performance on the slopes. This same guy will spend an incredible amount of money on titanium or carbon MTB parts to lighten his bike by a couple of grams when all he needs to do to achieve the same result is to avoid shoving a burrito down his gullet or inhaling the family sized bag of Doritos.

Why do we feel the need to search for external fixes to our problems when maybe the answers could be found within ourselves?

Because it's a whole helluvalot easier, that's why!!!

The end of another year is quickly and stealthily creeping upon us like a jaguar stalking a capibara and along with the holidays, celebration and good cheer, comes no small amount of remorse for the events and mistakes of the past year. This leads to those damned resolutions that lack anything efficacious and quite possibly make things worse when we fail to live up to some ridiculous goal that was not only unattainable it was unnecessary as well.

Many people would agree that much of what we do goes positively unnoticed and unrewarded. That's why I believe we ought to have a mutual appreciation society that follows us around and graciously notices the fine and wonderful contributions to the world around us. Of course we would have to reciprocate and allay the fears of others in our group that life is swallowing them up, getting ready to suck out the juice and spit out the bones.

Wait that sounds a lot like blogging.

That's why I'm here. I just ripped off eight pages of my page a day calender. The week has freakin disappeared on me and I don't know where it's gone. I haven't been able to spare a moment to do anything other than skim through the occasional post yet somehow the comments on my one lousy weekly pic post seem to keep growing, providing me with emotional and spiritual support throughout the week.
I'm not knocking being busy. Busy and productive are truly great things. I wake up with great expectations and earn that cocktail at the end of the day. Yet It's not possible to keep doing this without some kind of incentive.

I really am going to have to find a reason to do half the things I do

Mute Monday: "Q"is for...

2008-12-01T20:25:00.005+09:00

Queens!

Loving my bird

2008-11-27T07:31:00.008+09:00

I rarely find myself wrestling with a topic for a post. My difficulty runs more along the lines of how to say a thing rather than actually finding something to talk about. As I have mentioned in the recent past, this web log is the only outlet I have to let my thoughts run free. In a way it's kind of similar to the casual conversations you have during the day with your neighbors, co- workers or the complete strangers you might happen to meet at the bus stop or train platform.
So I have to consider something:

How much of myself do I want to expose to the world?

There are limits to how much truth one is willing to tell and occasionally there are even stricter limits as to how much someone wants to hear. I have to occasionally remind students that when most folks ask, "How are you, today?" they are just being polite. They really don't want to hear about your stomach virus or erythrodermic psoriasis. Well, maybe they would, but only if you were Will Smith or Jenna Jameson.

On the other hand the truth can often be a harsh mistress, demanding from us acceptance or understanding of things we'd rather not hear. At the moment I don't want to get into an epistemological discussion of what exactly truth is nor is it germane to deduce whether or not subjectivity vs. objectivity influences the outcome of what we think. Yet if you believe that is an important point and feel uncomfortable with the nonclementure, you can substitute the word 'opinion' for 'truth' and save us all a lot of trouble.

Where does one draw the line of how much one ought to say to others and how much can we believe of what is being told to us everyday.

If you read the Misplaced Man then you must realize that I avoid almost all things political. I have my views, but I usually keep them to myself.
Unless you have been living in a cave you might have noticed the the world is having a slight monetary problem (That's right America your economic fuck up has affected more people than you realize.) it also is having a major problem with unchecked violence and a maelstrom of troubles that on the surface seem incurable.

Here in Japan, I viewed the presidential campaign with no small amount of mirth.
I think that many Japanese also sought relief from the hum drum of everyday life with the spectacle that American politics has become.

You now have a fabulous new president (elect) and he got there on a platform that advocated change. He is now paraphrasing FDR and looking less original and almost less sure of himself. This is what President-elect Obama said, when asked during an interview on CBS's 60 Minutes, what voters expect of him when he takes office.

'You know, they're not expecting miracles.'

From the sound of things I was thinking that not only was the American republic not only expecting miracles, they were praying for them. I hope that most of you are open to new cultures (not talking about yogurt, here) because the people who are bailing you out are looking like the folks you have loved to hate. I give you, Alwaleed bin Talal bin Abdulaziz al-Saud.
I ain't passing judgement. I am just telling you the facts. My truth. He owns five percent of Citibank because Americans can't afford to invest in their own country.

You ask for too much and you give too little.
You have all the best of everything and you toss it away for trinkets. The accumulated debt of American households is larger than that of many countries- 13 trillion dollars. That's a lot of moolah.

When you give thanks this year take the time to think about something more than cranberry sauce. Even when you got it bad, you still got it pretty good.

Guard, protect and cherish your land,
for there is no afterlife for a place that started out as Heaven.

Charles M. Russell, Montana, 1929.

Optical intrusion

2008-11-25T13:41:00.000+09:00

I have never spent a lot of time or energy trying to cultivate an image to impress others. Quite the opposite, I have, more often than not, gone out of my way to rile others up and make them feel uneasy about slinging bullshit and telling tall tales. I guess that makes me ineligible for politics and not much better at business, but it does make me pretty good as a friend.

Friends and friendship make life just a little more livable.
Work goes more smoothly with their help, meals taste better with their conversation, a night out drinking would only be dull inebriation without shared laughter and stories.

I don't know exactly how I become friends with people. I am even more confounded as to the reasons that drive others to befriend me. This simple fact gets me to thinking about how people attract, repel, collide and sooth each other.

If for a short time or long we can walk and talk (figuratively) share a moment, a song (at this moment either David Bowie or Tom Waits) maybe an argument of opinion; then we can figure out what's wrong with the world or at least our corner of it.

It's tough to grab the world by the balls. I think there are a few folks who have tried to wrap a riata around realism and alter how we see it.

*I want to have lunch with any one of these people:

Richard Feynman
Pablo Picasso
Jim Morrison
Murakami Haruki
Carlos Santana
Issac Asimov
Stanley Kubrick
Rene Descartes
With friends like this, life would be alright or at leat erudite.

*Not an exhaustive list by any means. After all I didn't include J.D. Salinger...

Mute Monday "P" is for...

2008-11-24T01:42:00.000+09:00

Phallus!
Proceed with caution and comment with civility.
I can't wait for the letter "Y"

Spinning my wheels

2008-11-19T11:05:00.001+09:00

I really hate people like me. I really do.
Now, I almost never use the word hate. It's nasty and leaves a stagnant flavor in my mouth that reminds me of sucking on pennies covered in verdigris.
Neither do I look for pity. That is a pathetic sign of weakness and those who want it confuse it with an authentic call for intelligent advice and correspondence to resolve a problem.
I live a most amazing life. I am not bragging nor am I trying to out do you in the fucked up friendly neighbor competition. I am just wondering if you can imagine someone who seemingly has just about everything going his way, having to adjust his surroundings and or property just to suit the whims of those he has never met nor cared about.

This place, this blog, is the only outlet I have to the English speaking world. This dim electric screen connected to the world by my keyboard and a wire not even as thick as a No. 2 pencil, is controlled (or so I thought) by my perfectly working piece of shit computer.
I need to know something. I need to understand why a slew of services, particularly YouTube, are no longer available to those whose computers do not have the newest flash extension. I tried to get it but it seems that this perfectly fine piece of shit machine runs on a platform which not only doesn't support the newest Java, Adobe and Macromedia extensions, Microsoft doesn't recognize me anymore and they sold me the software in the first place.
My Car was made in 1995 and Toyota will happily maintain it for me or at the very least supply me parts. Yamaha will do the same for my motorcycle, Viagra will do the same for my sex life, when and if the need arises. So tell me, why do I have to purchase a new computer just to be able to use the same services that I have used without any problem for more than five years?

Actually all I have to do is upgrade my OS, but to tell the truth for a few bucks more I can get a whole new set up.

I just don't want to.

This piece of crap Toshiba might be a slow on the take, but it can still get it up and do everything I ask of it except view the newest webpages or any blog post with a video clip.
I think it's fucking outrageous that I am being coerced into conforming. I never thought of these machines as disposable, especially with every damned major corporation espousing their support of a clean ecology. I reckon that the ecology and most things 'green' are going to be taking a back seat to anything that boosts the economy. Being green costs manufacturers money and although it might save the average shmoe a couple of ducats, it doesn't quite fit in with conspicuous consumption.

I'm not really rambling here。It's just that there are way to many individual threads to contemplate to actually get a clear view of the entire tapestry of deception and bullshit we are all being subject to. I wish I were smart enough and knowledgeble enough to make sense of it all and furthermore, to make what I am thinking about understandandable to you as well.

See what mean? This darned thing still works well enough.

More to come...

Mute Monday- "N" New Yawk

2008-11-17T17:35:00.009+09:00

I know that the Java Junkie over at the Karmic Kitchen Annex already did her version of this but I honestly couldn't think of an alternative, so this is my Mute Monday. My New York.

From the rotten core of the Big Apple......

No man is an island,

2008-11-16T17:50:00.009+09:00

yet there's no stopping him from creating one.

My backyard has looked like shit for more than a year. Now, it's not really mine, but seeing how I live closest to it I decided to spend the day cleaning it up a bit.

I got more than I bargained for....Start with a veritable jungle of bamboo like reeds and serious undergrowth.

Hack out a path while whistling the theme song for Indiana Jones

Widen the path and then take a break...It's been over an hour.

Change direction and work on the under brush and vines that grow under my balcony.

Contemplate the folly of my descision to do this with hand tools...It's been three hours now.

Never say die!

Finally after a morning and the better part of the afternoon I have cleard the entire area leaving only a small island of bamboo in the middle of the clearing.

Time to start shaping the reeds to give them a sense of balance.

I'm done and done for!
You can't really tell from the photo but this was a fairly large field and the grove I created ought to look really nice once the snow starts falling. I did a fair bit of damage to my hand during the task acouple o' skratches and at one point a sharpened end of a reed got shoved between my knuckles. Boy, I hate when that happens. This was a good day, but I'm sure I'll be paying for it later.
How was your sunday?

Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time...

2008-11-12T12:42:00.006+09:00

I am sitting here wracking my brains and futilely attempting to straighten out the twisted ball of twine that is my mind.
I wonder if you can relate to what I am saying here.
Have you ever wrestled over a post because it just didn't sit right with the way you imagined it to be?
That's been my problem since I got back from my travels. Morning or night, drunk, sober
impassioned and sang froid, I just cannot make the damned thing come out right.
Rewriting has spawned three other drafts- variations on a theme- and I figure they will carry the same genetic make up as the progenitor thereby causing me even more restless hours.
I haven't been able to figure out how to complain about life without sounding like a whiny bastard. It seems kinda petty and selfish to worry about the things that are irking me when there is a whole lot of bad shit happening to a whole lot of other people.
Most of the time I am only truly concerned with what's happening in my little corner of the world. That's when I have to whip out the Joe Cocker and listen to what he says about friends.

M is for...

2008-11-10T07:15:00.003+09:00

Monster!

China

2008-11-05T22:52:00.010+09:00

If you have ever travelled to a foreign land where all of your preconceived notions of the place were challenged and turned on themselves with every turn of a corner and human encounter than you will understand just how difficult it is to impart the experience to another person. I don't want to sound cliche but you just have to walk the walk for yourself.
The sights, sounds and smells of both Shanghai and Beijing have left an indelible impression upon me and I would love to have the chance to deepen the experience in the future with another visit.

When you give yourself up to the streets of Shanghai you will discover as you walk along lanes that are scented with exotic spices, dust from massive construction projects, grease from makeshift sidewalk kitchens selling God knows what kind of food to those brave enough to partake of the fare and the occasional whiff of raw sewerage that seems to appear out of nowhere like a Limburger phantom.
You will also experience a curious mix of fabulously old neighborhoods lending their style and blending with modern architecture that boggles the imagination and leaves one feeling quite small and insignificant among the steel and glass creations that soar into the heavens.

Top:
The french concession, a burgeoning artsy area that is quickly becoming the place for foreigners to meet and where two scooters would have a difficult time passing each other.
Below:
The view from what is presently the world's tallest building. All of the towers in the foreground are over seventy stories tall and the buildings across the river are from a place called The Bund.

The only thing I will say about Beijing is that it will reassess your ideas of scale. The city is huge! And because of the Olympics it is also very well maintained. Chinese pride insisted on showing the west the finest of livery for the multitudes of visitors who flocked to see some of the world's finest athletes compete for fame. Little did they realize that the city was competing as well.
Do make it a point to visit this town. The great wall, the forbidden city, Tienanmen Square will all give you a a memory of something that was created with the idea that there are things bigger than the single individual. Bigger even than an entire generation. Things that can only be measured in millennia and even then we aren't quite certain that we are looking at it from the correct perspective. The place is a mystery; and all the better for it.

The big country

2008-10-29T01:43:00.003+09:00

There are some things that trouble me, but I can't for the life of me think of a single thing to be concerned about right now.
I would love to tell you about everything, but that will have to wait.
All of my preconceptions of this country are changing and not only do I wish I could afford to stay here for another month or so writing essays on my thoughts (and getting paid for doing so) , but for the third time in my life the language barrier is causing me to go a little crazy. I will tell you all about it when I get back on Saturday

Too late for the gold? Oh, well.

2008-10-23T23:48:00.004+09:00

I am going to China.
I am leaving this Sunday and will return sometime in the future.
I will visit my friend He is not Chinese, but his girlfriend is. They are very nice people.
Maybe I will see a panda...Maybe not.
I will eat a lot of Chinese food, except it will just be called food there.
I hope to take many pictures .
I want to stand on the great wall.
I will try to speak to people an gesticulate to make my point.
I want to get a copy of Chairman Mao's little red book in English or Braille.
There is nothing else. I am going to China and that is that.

I feel like the Ty-D-Bowl man

2008-10-22T09:10:00.007+09:00

Can anyone tell me why the days have turned so damned shitty after a perfectly wonderful weekend?

Murphy's law just doesn't cover this. It can probably be better explained by the law of conservation of energy. The bullshit was always there, but because of the extreme imbalance of the system in one direction, the return to a state of equilibrium insists a balancing oscillation towards the opposite end of the spectrum be necessary. I believe I will return when homeostasis has been achieved.

And I still haven't made my Halloween costume yet!

What did you expect?

2008-10-20T20:04:00.005+09:00

J is for...

This is not my beautiful wife...

2008-10-19T20:52:00.005+09:00

There have been a multitude of stories and poems written and read; about the roads less, or even never, travelled and I am pretty certain that you can take their messages literally or figuratively and still come up with a pretty good beginning for an adventure of your own.

New roads to different places don't always occur out of doors. We can explore beyond the horizons of experience just about anywhere. To me the essential aspect of finding that new path is a complete lack of anticipation. You just can't wait for the action to come to you.

When I ride I often don't have a goal in mind. The road often takes me where I am going. That appeals to me. I like my travels to be spontaneous and tinged with a patina of wildness. Today, that's exactly what I got! While riding around this morning, I somehow ended up getting lost (a wrong turn if you can believe it.) and finding myself on a very strange and unknown road. When I got to the top of the hill, which was also the end of the road, I was astounded at what I found there.

If you like these there will be more at Tobacco Road

The Morioka Dai Butsu. Standing at least ten meters or more than thirty feet it presides over a burial ground. I didn't take any pictures of the temple because it sort of spooky and uninviting, but the rest of the place was warm and quite beautiful. I am puzzled that I have never seen this before. Do any of you folks have a similar tale to tell. An unexpected find in a place you thought you knew?

Another cup of Joe, please

2008-10-16T08:08:00.005+09:00

A few moments ago I was two clicks away from a cut and paste of an old post from a previous blog. It suddenly occurred to me that not only was I possibly plagiarizing myself, but also that I was dredging up something that I had already gotten out of my head and onto 'paper'. Now going into your past and remembering things is acceptable, sharing nostalgia with others is friendship binding and often fun, but regurgitating thoughts and wrapping them up in a different package is just kind of boorish.

I have always liked the phrase; Jack of all trades, it's the master of none part that bothers me. We all, or almost all of us, have hobbies. Whether it be playing sports or dancing, travelling, painting, etc. This is good! It gives us a chance to get rid of the stress that builds up from the day to day humdrum that encroaches on our lives, hobbies also allow us to stir up the creative juices in our souls so as to keep them from getting stagnant.
My problem is with a particular line of thought that I constantly encounter. People I meet, who have similar interests, are often either belittling their talents or thinking about purchasing something that they believe will allow them to perform at a higher level.

Why do we have to strive for greatness in every area of our lives? Isn't a little mediocrity satisfying?
I am not a good guitar player (wife looks over shoulder, reads what I have just typed and walks away laughing uproariously) but knowing that I am not going to be trying to impress anyone allows me to enjoy what I do and be realistic about the amount of money and time I am willing to spend on it.

I don't plan on becoming a professional photographer so why would I want to float two or three thousand bucks on a professional set up. My camera suits me fine and I believe that I take decent snapshots with it.

I like blogging because it's cheap. I get to write about silliness such as this and I never worry about rejection leters. Hobbies are supposed to relieve you of the stress you get from having to excel at work.

I like my mediocrity. How about you?

Mute Monday- H

2008-10-13T18:54:00.008+09:00

Heaven & Hell

I had promised you all a viewing of a wedding, Japanese style and although there was a delay in getting them to you here are the snapshots. Wedded life is, at it's best and worst, a mixed blessing.
I hope these kids have the blessing of the gods for they are good people

All this and a bunny too?!

2008-10-11T22:44:00.008+09:00

I guess things go in cycles. All women and most men realize this. The time it takes for the wheel to turn depends upon how big the issues are and how many people are involved.
We are seeing some really large wheels turning these days, not only in America, but all over the world. I reckon we ain't quite finished with our economic woes.
It doesn't make sense to me to go pointing fingers and assigning blame. We are all, in one way or another, partly responsible for the present situation. It's a little childish to be angry at folks if you allowed them free reign to cause trouble then act surprised when they do. This shitstorm has been building for a long time and if you didn't notice it or didn't care, well...
That's not to say that those who acted irresponsibly should receive amnesty for their actions. They certainly shouldn't be rewarded either. I have no answers that will satisfy everyone's sense of justice. That is not very surprising for we all have developed vastly different ideas of what is just or not.

I think it's better to concentrate on lighter things. I like to do stupid things, always have. Give me half a reason and I just might run with it like a zombie after some fresh brains. Living in Japan gives me regular access to Japanese women (that makes sense, right?) which in turn affords me the opportunity to brighten a certain blogger's life. Actually I am giving this gift to Grant as an excuse to go out and do silly stuff. We both get something good out of it: Bunnies for him and collisions for me You wouldn't believe the things I say to people to get them to do things for me. Then again, maybe you would...

The first of many.
A very merry un-birthday to you, Grant.

Them that's got shall get
Them that's not shall lose
So the Bible said and it still is news
Mama may have, papa may have
But God bless the child that's got his own
That's got his own

Yes, the strong gets more
While the weak ones fade
Empty pockets don't ever make the grade
Mama may have, papa may have
But God bless the child that's got his own
That's got his own

Money, you've got lots of friends
Crowding round the door
When you're gone, spending ends
They don't come no more
Rich relations give
Crust of bread and such
You can help yourself
But don't take too much
Mama may have, papa may have
But God bless the child that's got his own
That's got his own

Mama may have, papa may have
But God bless the child that's got his own
That's got his own
He just worry bout nothin
Cause he's got his own

Billy Holiday must have known that we would need this song. She sang it like it was supposed to stick around and help us out with things. That's the way I see it. Say! That's an idea sticking around and helping instead of bailing out on others

Anyone got a pony, a Shetland pony?

2008-10-08T00:54:00.017+09:00

I want to start things off by giving everyone a great big thanks for responding to my request. I know that it is often troublesome to go the extra mile for a person and I really appreciate it. The avatars look amazing!
I Feel as if I have been away for a very long time. For the most part I have been doing the usual juggling trick we all strive to master.>Have you ever seen, read, or heard about something and you thought to yourself 'Damn, I wish I had thought of that'. That's how I felt this morning when I saw this: Naked Man.
I talk to many different people in the course of a week and hear all sorts of unusual stories. This doesn't count the blogs I read and the fun things you folks have to say. On the odd occasion I like to do silly quizzes, memes and just plain fool around. It's kinda like watchin one of the Die Hard movies. I just leave my brain on the shelf and let Hollywood and Bruce take me for a ride.
Are you ready? Buckle up because I am...

John Wayne

You scored 57% Tough, 19% Roguish, 24% Friendly, and 0% Charming!

You, my friend, are a man's man, the original true grit, one tough talking, swaggering son of a bitch. You're not a bad guy, on the contrary, you're the ultimate good guy, but you're one tough character, rough and tumble, ready for anything. You call the shots and go your own way, and if some screwy dame is willing to accept your terms, that's just fine by you. Otherwise, you'll just hit the open trail and stay true to yourself. You stand up for what you believe and can handle any situation, usually by rushing into the thick of the action. You're not polished and you're not overly warm, but you're a straight shooter and a real stand up guy. Co-stars include Lauren Bacall and Maureen O'Hara, tough broads who can take care of themselves.

I just can't believe that I am Marion Michael Morrison sure I like to walk around as if I am bow legged, but that is to attract women who have a similar affliction

I love to go swimmin with bow legged wimmin and swim between their legs, swim between their legs, swim between their legs...http://www.boingboing.net/2008/10/07/naked-man-from-spain.html

Now If the darned test had said I was Groucho that would have made me smile. Groucho would know what to do with this next lot: this is a list of words the Collins English Dictionary (I never heard of Collins, I use Oxford and Webster's.) wants to discard to make room for about 2,000 new entries.

Abstergent: Cleansing
Agrestic: Rural
Apodeictic: Unquestionably true by virtue of demonstration
Caducity: Perishableness
Caliginosity: Dimness
Compossible: Possible in coexistence with something else
Embrangle: To confuse
Exuviate: To shed
Fatidical: Prophetic
Fubsy: Squat
Griseous: Somewhat grey
Malison: A curse
Mansuetude: Gentleness
Muliebrity: The condition of being a woman
Niddering: Cowardly
Nitid: Bright
Olid: Foul-smelling
Oppugnant: Combative
Periapt: An amulet
Recrement: Refuse
Roborant: Tending to fortify
Skirr: A whirring sound, as of the wings of birds in flight
Vaticinate: Prophesy
Vilipend: To treat with contempt

I thought a paragraph containing all or most of these words would be just a hair left of overkill, so I will entreat you to utilise these nonclementure in your comments for this post. Good luck!

Now I got this one from Lime who got it from someone else and she did such a cool job on it that I just had to steal it. Come to think of it, recently I am often taking her memes and of course there are regulations that must be adhered to:

The rules: A) Go to Music Outfitters.
B) In the search function, enter the year you graduated from high school. Get the list of the 100 most popular songs of that year.
C) Bold face the songs you like, strike through the ones you hate, and underline or italicize your favorite.
D)Do nothing to those you don’t remember or don’t care about.
I will alter the rules to suit my particular peccadilloes.

1.~~Physical, Olivia Newton-John~~ ACK! I can't believe this was #1
2.~~Eye Of The Tiger, Survivor~~ Double puke! I am having Sylvester Stallone flashbacks. This is why Bush got to stay in the white house for eight years.

3.I Love Rock N' Roll, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts- This is a cool song!
4.~~Ebony And Ivory, Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder~~ Strike the whole damned thing. This was a year of sappy moral turpitude.
5. Centerfold, J. Geils Band- Yes! This was a good tune. No matter when I hear ot I will get completely jazzed.
6. Don't You Want Me, Human League- Passable fluff.
7. Jack And Diane, John Cougar- This one just does the job. The chorus is "real"
8. Hurts So Good, John Cougar
9. Abracadabra, Steve Miller Band- Anything by this man just rocks my world. I love all of his music
10. Hard To Say I'm Sorry, Chicago- blah
11. Tainted Love, Soft Cell- They were gay or possibly ghey.
12. Chariots Of Fire, Vangelis- what was it with this tune. Arrrgggghhh! made me want to scratch my ass.
14. Rosanna, Toto Crap!
15. I Can't Go For That, Daryl Hall and John Oates- OK I'm ghey, I liked this one, No can do...

What the fuck is this music? I don't recognize half of this crap!
19. Waiting For A Girl Like You, Foreigner- Best thing about Foreigner: Went to one of their concerts and saw Johnny Winter blow them away!!!!! Yeoooouch!

21. The Sweetest Thing, Juice Newton- What the fuck kind of name is that?
22. Always On My Mind, Willie Nelson Yeah, righteous!
23. Shake It Up, Cars- I actually liked the Cars a lot more than the Police during High School
25. We Got The Beat, Go-Go's- No, Nonononononononoonno! The damned hook is stuck in my head. Get It out!!!!
26. The Other Woman, Ray Parker Jr. Is this the guy who did Ghostbusters? I liked that one.
30. Who Can It Be Now?, Men At Work- This one grabbed me. And I will forever be embarrassed by the fact.

Did I take too much blotta this particular year and miss out on almost every hit tune???????

36. Leather And Lace, Stevie Nicks and Don Henley No way! These two did not team up.
40. Heat Of The Moment, Asia- Bad song listened to it anyway. (I am a big fan of Yes)
44. Private Eyes, Daryl Hall and John Oates. Like I said. I like these guys
47. Love's Been A Little Bit Hard On Me, Juice Newton This dope had two hits in one year?
48. Young Turks, Rod Stewart- He'd done much better, but this was passable
49. Freeze-frame, J. Geils Band- I just got rid of the hook the Go-Go's put in my head.
51. ~~Do You Believe In Love~~, Huey Lewis and The News
56. Hooked On Classics, Royal Philharmonic Orchestra- Why does this sound familiar?
57. Wasted On The Way, Crosby, Stills and Nash- Not their best, but...
60. Personally, Karla Bonoff- Wait her name is Bone Off?
62. ~~Blue Eyes~~, Elton John
63. ~~Our Lips Are Sealed~~, Go-Go's- If their lips had been sealed, they never would have been signed.
67. I Ran, A Flock Of Seagulls- Um, Yeah, OK say whatever you want. I deserve it.
73. ~~Don't Stop Beleivin',~~ Journey- Shit, plain and simple
78. Crimson And Clover, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts- Awesome tune!
79. Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic, Police- Addictive and goddamned cute when you are thinking about a girl you like.
81. I Keep Forgettin', Michael Mcdonald??? I must've forgotten
82. Get Down On It, Kool and The Gang- Shut the fuck up! it's a good song.
84. Make A Move On Me, Olivia Newton-John-??? No thanks, skank.
88. (Oh) Pretty Woman, Van Halen- Absolutely a song that moves you. No matter who covers it.
89. Should I Do It, Pointer Sisters???
90. Hot In The City, Billy Idol- This guy can make insurance salesmen rock
94. Waiting On A Friend, Rolling Stones- An unbelievable tune. Why it is this far down on the list has me puzzled.
96. Working For The Weekend, Loverboy- Catchy tune but quickly forgettable.
98. ~~Arthur's Theme~~, Christopher Cross- Oh how I hate this shitty tune
100. Edge Of Seventeen, Stevie Nicks- Hmmmm not good-not bad

I guess that this was a whole lotta meme stuff. If you actually read all of this you deserve an award. Go directly to someones blog and boos the one that tickles your fancy. I'll back up your story that you got it from me.

Note: This post has been edited for readability. There were so many songs that I didn't know that I just deleted them. They don't deserve space on my pages. At least the putrid got a rise out of me

I bid you adieu.

They tell me it happens alla time

2008-10-04T20:03:00.004+09:00

I honestly don't know where I get the titles of my posts.
That's not quite true. I have always had a fondness for stories where the title has nothing, or at the very least, little to do with the story.
That's kinda the way I feel about people, their names and especially the nom de plume of those in the blogexistance. This has been an unusual week at the school. The topic of names and what part they play in a persons life has continued and been evolving over the last couple of days. I am not to sure how deeply a name can affect a person's life unless they are given monikers that are historically infamous. I have even read stories about characters who have taken a name associated with ridicule and turned it into one of honour. So what is it about a name that evokes our passion or displeasure. What is the deal about nicknames? I Have had many different nicknames and most of them I didn't like. The one I have now appeals to me yet I wonder why I use it at all. There is very little possibility of any of the readers visiting me way out here in the very far east.

A couple of days or weeks ago I was tooling around the code of my blog trying to tweak some of the new things Blogger has to offer and clear up my readers list. well, I screwed up. I lost a lot of information, people, names, stories.
Blogger has this somewhat new gizmo that will let you follow me as I follow you. I don't like the word follow but I am willing to walk alongside you and be your friend. Do me a solid, will ya. I am a total blog whore and I want your avatars on my blog. I like seeing them there on my side bar and having your stories at my fingertips. Tell your friends, your coworkers. Tell anyone who will listen or don't say a goddamned thing and keep it all to yourself. Just let me see what you are up to and let me join in the fun.

See what I mean.

Namaste.

Thoughts from the feather duster.

2008-10-02T23:54:00.006+09:00

Went for a ride on my motorbike this morning. Bright sunny morning with just a hint of Autumn in the air. Good for the soul. Good for the mind and body too. One of the best ways to unravel the knots of tension that form in your mind is to do something that you can do well. The feeling of confidence and relaxation is bettered by very few things in life.

Since I live among the mountains, the magnificent vistas that unravel before my eyes on a ride can be truly breathtaking. I mean that in the literal sense. Can you imagine travelling through the twists and turns of a country road, totally focused on the curves and sound of your machine as she works her way up and down the gears. You feel the road rise and take you forward, you reach into the gearbox and pull out as much power as the machine can deliver. The vibration tells you that all is in perfect harmony as you crest the hill and are greeted by a rolling lush plateau of verdant undergrowth and tress that are showing the barest tinge of rouge.

Summer is gone and now my thought are steerring me towards winter. Before the tress fully turn and create a landscape of intense, calico carpeting I have got to get through my semi annual cleaning. There is so much stuff that must be seperated into the "truly necessary" and "Junk" piles. There is also a blog that needs to be taken down since I haven't posted anything there for quite some time.

What do you like to do to clear out the cobwebs and clean up the flotsam that flows through life? I'll try to keep in touch over the weekend.

The check is in the mail

2008-09-30T22:46:00.009+09:00

Well, hey there people. I have been away, but now I am back. Soon I will have to go away yet again and shortly thereafter I will once again return to divulge the mysteries of the mundane and to complicate that which usually needs no explanation.

The wedding and the weekend went off without a hitch, ahem, uh but there is just one teensy detail that was overlooked before we hit the highway home. The groom asked for my memory card so he might download and print the pictures I took. He told us that he would return it the next day but he left it in his friends computer and so I am now waiting for the return of my SD card and therefore by association, so are you.

Ain't it great to have something in common.

In the last ten days or so I, like many others, have had a crash course in international economics. I have read more and understood less than at any time in my life.
One of my students, a professor of the aforementioned subject sat down with me and tried to walk me through the global ramifications of the miasma of greed and irresponsible money management. The entire time he was making everything try to fit together in a way I could understand he was also apologising because, and he put it this way: "There is no simple explanation nor resolution the awful instability of the system." Being that he has studied and worked with a Nobel prize winning economist, I have a strong tendency to believe what he says.

I also have a strong belief in another person's opinion.

"Kilgore Trout, the ornithologist's son, wrote in My Ten Years on Automatic Pilot: "The Fiduciary is a mythological bird. It has never existed in Nature, never could, never will."

Trout is the only person who ever said a fiduciary was any sort of bird. The noun (from the Latin fiducia, confidence, trust) in fact identifies a sort of Homo sapiens who will conserve the property, and nowadays especially paper or computer representations of wealth, belonging to other people, including the treasuries of their governments.

He or she or it cannot exist, thanks to the brain and the ding-dong, et cetera. So we have in this summer of 1996, rerun or not, and as always, faithless custodians of capital making themselves multimillionaires and multibillionaires, while playing beanbag with money better spent on creating meaningful jobs and training people to fill them, and raising our young and retiring our old in surroundings of respect and safety.

For Christ's sake, let's help more of our frightened people get through this thing, whatever it is.

Why throw money at problems? That is what money is for.

Should the nation's wealth be redistributed? It has been and continues to be redistributed to a few people in a manner strikingly unhelpful."

Kurt Vonnegut.

I like ice cream. Its like eating an instant smile. I am on a diet so now I have to find something else that will put a grin on my face.

My sister sent me the most kick ass care package from home. An entire box of Halloween goodies. Not just your local Milky Way and Snickers bars These are the ultimate in grotesque: Road Kill snacks, vomit pouches and spider sacks.
I am hoping that this year we can really get folks into the spirit of things.

Thanks Sis!- Answer yer goddamn phone will ya!

Time to fly. The punnery has run dry and I have used up my allotment of words for the evening.

Talk soon, real soon.

No wrest for the wheary

2008-09-26T23:01:00.007+09:00

While others look toward the weekend with drooling, expectant grins and throbbing libidos. The leader of the non-conformists collective was preparing his followers for a new assault on his thoroughly entrenched adversary; boredom.

Sitting back with his feet propped up on his desk, toothpick gently working out a piece of popcorn from between his molars...

It's perfectly fine with me if you don't exactly understand what's goin on, nobody else does either.
I am once again on my way out of town for the weekend. This time it is to attend a wedding.
My wife's cousin is gettin hitched and the whole family is getting together to celebrate.

I have experienced weddings, both my own and those of friends, on two different continents now and although the ceremonies differ the basic ideas are the same.
Toast the bride and groom as many times as you can. This gives you the licence to imbibe beyond the norm. Find out if how many sisters the bride has and get cosy with the musicians.

There was a time when the word wedding made me shiver and squirm just like when someone drew their fingernails across the black board in high school. Nowadaaays I have changed my opinion. I feel more like the recipient of an intensive tax audit.

I have a lot in common with weddings- there is a tendency to go on longer than most people want you to and there is a feeling that you ought to care about something jussst a little more than you usually do.

Anyway, I 'm off, (my rocker) and will return with a bunch of photos and hopefully a story or two that won't make you want to puke.

If you've got a problem

2008-09-23T22:30:00.012+09:00

with crows...

" Scarecrow Festival"

This strange fellow's face is made from scrub brushes

Too bad it was a rainy day. Must be hard to breathe in there.

Can you tell which one is the scarecrow?

Gratuitous sex scene, enjoy!

Some of these creations are truly bizarre.

Munch-munch-munch.

This one was truly spooky.

I don't think he's gonna scare anyone.

Gone fishin'.
Be back in an hour or so.

You know how these things work.
I stole this from Lime who got it from another blogger who recieved it or created it or some such thing la di da.

This is the "Finish the sentence with the 1st thought that comes to your mind" meme.

I know....that there is still much that I remain ignorant of
I believe...in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent(not really), overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.
I fought....way too much when I was younger.
I am angered....by everything these days
I love...for the sake of love.
I need...a breather
I take...it where I can get it
I hear... ya, baby. I hear ya!
I drink...the finest of whiskies every chance I get
I hate...stubidity
I use...a #2 pencil when doodling
I want...wealth beyond the dreams of avarice
I like...long stemmed American Beauty roses
I feel...fine. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine...repeat
I wear...boxers
I left...a whole lotta shit behind me
I do...everything once. If I like it I do it again!
I hope...I am not fucking things up too badly
I dream....a little dream of you
I drive...people crazy all the time
I listen...or at least I try to.
I type...like a pregnant duck!
I think....I am the best damned thing since instant noodles
I wish...you were here
I am...the walrus koo koo ka choo
I regret...I didn't tell her just how much I love her.
I care...about people.
I should...start thinking about my retirement.
I said...what I said and I MEANT it!!!
I wonder.... what's on the other side.
I changed...the side of the road I drive on when I moved here.
I cry...whenever its appropriate.
I lose... a couple of gazillion of brain cells every day.
I leave...no stone unturned.

This is the "Finish the sentence with the first WORD that comes to mind" meme.

Where is your cell phone? right next to me
Your significant other? Working out with Wii fit
Your hair? Hair? Fuck you!
Your mother? Gone, but not forgotten
Your father? A bastard of unbelievable proportions (the fruit don't fall far from the treeeeeee!)
Your favorite thing? My thing
Your dream last night? Best forgotten
Your favorite drink? Strong
Your dream goal? Immortality
The room you are in? Rectangular
Your ex? Far from my thoughts
Your fear? fucking things up
Where do you want to be in six years? Living
Where were you last night? Dreamscape
What are you not? What I expected I would be
Muffins? Tease!
One of your wish list items? Orgasms by the pound!
Where you grew up? The rotten core of the Big Apple
The last thing you did? Cook a fabulous dinner
What are you wearing? My wedding band
Your TV? Meditating
Your pets? One down and one to go
Your computer? On it's last legs
Your life? Could be better
Your mood? Well, I'm here, ain't I
Missing someone? Why do you ask
Your Car? Awesome
Something you are not wearing? A condom
Favorite store? Golf One
Your summer? Varied and exciting
Like someone? Which do tou mean Am I? or Do I?
Your favorite color? Black. No, Pink No, Black!
When was the last time you laughed? look at yesterday's post.
Last time you cried? Boys don't cry.

There's always time to party!

2008-09-22T19:13:00.005+09:00

Or at the very least there should be.